In The Far Distance A sTaR ShinEs

Live Logging

2006-05-29T19:15:00.000+08:00

Train adventure continues. Remember that time when i wrote down about how a lady wiggles her finger to poke my body, coz i was like annoying her with my constant leaning to the left? If i didn't then here's my recount. Ok fine i was tired since it has been a pretty long and boring day(duh as always, nothing is strange about it anymore)...

OMG! I nearly got hit by a freaking bus while writing the previous sentence...was crossing the road. But hey it was a green man signal yet that bus just zoom on...i could have been killed by that speeding heavyweight monster dammit!

Freaky, nevertheless lets not get sidetracked. Where was i? Oh.....yeah tiring day. Got myself seated and in an instant doze off haha. Have you ever sleep upright? You will have the tendency to lean over, horizontal position. Yep i'm like the human leaning tower of pisa, positional angular of 28 degree depression. As angle increased west, the only support to neutralise the increment was that poor lady. Obviously annoyed, she implemented the wiggling technique which developed from a typical human mindset. Hilarious, did it like three times. Wasn't comfortable leaning towards east so i have no choice but to annoy her hehe. Too bad she isn't hot or i would just purposely gain my free pillow :P Her reaction? Priceless. Fancy having me spoiling her reading. I'm bad lol.

Yes that happened the previous day. Incident repeated again for today while i'm on my way to "boredom palace". *holds breath* Fucking asshole! A sudden dose of effluvium introduced, lingering in the air. Whoever released that, damn you! Spare a thought for others can't you? If you are facing problems maintaining that pressure, letting it out here is not a wise solution! Tell you what, get an ass plug (thanks Iqa for that idea haha). Not available in stores? Awww poor me and the rest of the commuters, suffering in silence. Hold on! Use your fingers then! Woot shove it up your loose asshole hahahahaha. A baseball bat do wonders too ;)

Ahh...how the heck do i concentrate with this constant sidetrack? Live logging sure is tough huh. Gee okay..where was i again? ...Duplication in this chain series of situation..hmm...ooh well to simplify matter yesss i fell asleep again. You can't blame me, the trip is like 32 minutes bleakness. There's nothing much to do except yeah falling asleep. This time round i leaned east ahaha and woot i can see how annoyed that lady is with me. (How come it happens only when i'm sitting beside a lady? Weirrd haha). Can't recall what happened coz i was on the immigration side of Lalaland :) Haha ooh wait i remembered opening my eyes slowly and guess what? That lady stood up; enough is enough lol. Hey i thought she was dropping at this upcoming station but instead, she just moved to the opposite seats. HAHAHAHA what was she thinking?

Lady(thinking): Damn moron...cant you fucking keep your head still? Geeez stop it already! FINE! YOU JERK I HAD ENOUGH ALREADY! HMMPH!

:D oops who cares whether she moved or not? Yay an empty seat beside me ^^ sooo...i literally get comfy. Too comfy till i overshot to Pasir Ris (was supposed to alight at Tampines) and from that point onwards....the boredom unleashed.....

This is live blogging. Every events that happened here are logged on the spot on my handphone and transferred. Unique isn't it? BUT........duh i bet people would be drooling in their sleep already while reading the daily life i lead. Hahahah heyy i don't lead an adventurous life...what kind of actions can you expect me to face everyday? :)

Alternative Routes

2006-05-26T03:16:00.000+08:00

Let your sweet voice linger at the back of my head, insinuating tranquility and as it echoed, let it be a reminder of the moments we shared together. Through ups and down we experience and even as the going gets tough, our love conjugate and dispel any buffs of negativity that might dreadfully upset the nature of the bond we formed.

Boredom concatenated with loneliness is a dangerous adversary in life but i fear not because you are there for me. You may never noticed but the sun is shining brighter, a contribution from the glow of confidence i emit all thanks to the magical treatment you provided. What is the meaning of my life without you to decipher it?

As i head towards this path, i paused and stare helplessly. A long and winding route that exhaust the eyes from just looks. The aura of euphoria that you carry around just enlightened me. Here i am ready to embark on a journey with nothing but the wisdom you channeled and hereby contemplated walking the route that lay waiting.

Is fame and glory something that my hands wanna reach? This route may lead me to it but am i ready? The gig is approaching fast and here i am still having second thoughts. By right i'm excited. Who wouldn't? Especially when you can achieve a childhood dream. To my dismay, i realise the piece of me that still look down on myself. Everyday i train by drumming rapidly on almost anything, preparing for the big day itself. During the process though, images of me screwing up and shaming the band keeps flashing. We are performing alongside well known bands, i feel the pressure. Am i good enough to provide a performance well worthy of their standards?

Close my eyes and imagine only you there watching me. Only you can make me comfortable, confident of who i am and my ability. With you around, i do wonders......yes wonders to you too haha :P

Tempted to write on as the clock hit four. Alas i promised myself to get some sleep and so i will. If i could, i should and i would continue this entry later on. Just sticking to the fact that we've made the choices in life beforehand...now its only left with initiating and understanding it.

Stranded With No Return

2006-05-23T06:24:00.000+08:00

Recently i watched a movie relating to the life of an assassin. It's cool but without a doubt i cant stop thinking about it.

Teenagers goes missing from a few locations...all recruited to be trained as assassins. From day one...they know there is no turning back. Training area located in a remote island whereby the nearest island is 200km away....anyone attempting escape will be shot to death.

Rigorous training..this is a matter of survival. Some regret doing this....but theres no way out. It's either you die or your survive. By the way all the in-training assassins are gals. Things get worse where everything became serious...left in a place where danger lurks....unskilled gals are killed during unaware state. The fear for dear life take tolls..

Cruelty is the main issue here. As an assassin...you blend with the surroundings. Your life depend on it. Friends don't exist...everyone is your enemy. That was proven in one of the scene. While preparing to sleep for the next big test....a surprise event came up.

Leader: Kill the person nearest to you and drag her body out. 2 minutes. Failure to do so will be killed.

You gotta remember that for 6 years..these gals become friends and now....its either their life or the rest. What choice do they have? Hell break loose as friends get slayed. Each person to themselves now.

I will continue in the next part. Before i end this...i'll ask you a question. When life is at stake.....would it be yours or your best friend?

The Piece Of Puzzle Part 3

2006-05-22T00:28:00.000+08:00

I've made up my mind. Not gonna continue writing that piece of puzzle, perhaps i'll leave it to some other time. Been busy lately...therefore the failure to update this blog is not much of a surprise.

So i missed out Saturday's entry? Well let me see what happened on that day....hmmm oh i went to a gig. Same location, familiar with that place already. This time round the gig kinda sux.....so does the mosh. Good thing Tears For Tylor performed. Ok why did i say the mosh sux this time round? Errmm...its because i sprained my ankle when the first mosh was initiated. I kinda lost my balance and got bulldozed...as i fall to the side with that ankle condition. Gee what a great thing to happen right now. Luckily im used to sprains on the ankle...and it went away just like that haha. Not much action dammit...except getting punched on the lips and kicked at the back. Blaahhh...amateur stuff ahaha :P

What a booooring gig. Wasted my $5.....but compensated with a free drink though. Went home....
feeling tired and sick of my hair so the next best thing is to cut it hahaa. Off to the barber....free haircut ;)

Been two days already that i'm awake ahaha. Couldn't sleep and you know..Second Life is preventing me from sleeping. I still remembered when i was 15....i did thought about creating a game whereby you can lead a daily life of your own. I entitled it Daily Life...and basically you are in first person view....you go through everything as you would in real life eg school, work etc. Yes you can be what you want and make your dreams come true........AND YES it did come true cause the game is exactly like what i had in mind! The only feature i didn't think about is the social interaction with people from all over the world....coz mine is more of an AI based...single player type.

But i did get some sleep finally. Was supposed to meet the band at 15 30.....obviously i came late as usual .....15 30 is the time i woke up hahaha. Panicked for a while.....nahh they are jamming at 16 00.....so i'll just meet them up at the actual jamming studio instead of the usual meeting place. Nothing special.....played their original song and covers...when complication suddenly strikes.

A miscommunication leads to the untimely fate of a band. Something happened that trigger the act....and thats the main issue here. None of us know whats happning because the band members decide to keep problems to themselves instead of voicing it out. You keep that problem in you...you are gonna be unhappy all the time. Everyone need to realise that in a band...teamwork is essential. One for all..all for one. Don't expect to go far if there isnt any compromise or intolerance towards each other.

Held out a band meeting by the side of the staircase to address this problem that is cease to affect in long term mode. Many unhappiness right now as the drummer voice out the issue..and sharing any problems so that it wont affect others. So an argument broke out between the main and second vocalist....okay not really an argument but just being honest as to why you feel that way..who is the cause of it and what can be done. Beforehand the drummer was kinda pissed off with the attitude that they are potraying. He's upset that the band is different now....before achieving a gig performance they work hard as a team...very happily and cheerfully but now? Everyone seems to have problems....affecting performance and its wasted if you stop now and disband. He also mentioned that he might as well quit if things grew worse.

Its a serious drama going on. The air is tensed as grudges are poured out....and near fights due to the inability to accept...but they hang on. I can just go on writing everything that happened during that moment but i'm kinda tired and THERES A LOT to write. Whatever it is...the meeting is a great success coz after that short period of entangled emotions......everything went back to normal. Back to the usual self....the lively group and not forgetting to mention noisy. Can you imagine us doing a lot of stupid stuff at Esplanade? We played Pepsi Cola ...ok what is that ahaha lemme see....an equivalent of thumb wrestling but with legs now of course. And OMG we played catching AHAHAHAHA! Gosh thats like sooo hilarious. Recalling those days when you were a small kid...playing all these with friends. And we were reliving that childhood hahahahah....dammit we sure are a bunch of jackasses. Despite the crowd of people at that place....we still proceeded with our "entertainment" and ran all over the place. Hahahah lets wait for next time...and another game will certainly follow :)

The band voted me to be their drummer...a replacement since the main drummer is going for his National Service. During the "problematic moment" the drummer decided it would be great if i could come back and take over once again. I told him ...sure i dun mind...but how abt the 2nd vocalist? He is a drummer too....why not let him have that rightful place? He disagreed and since everyone voted for me....and that guy insist that he wanna sing instead....im ready for action ahaha :P

Which also means....i'm gonna get real busy. A tight schedule of practice and performance...next gig is approaching fast. Still needa prepare myself for this.....and oh oh...i'm falling asleep already hehehe. I've yet to write on something but just can't make it....the eyes are pleading for closure. HAHAHA too bad i needa wait for next entry..... and whether i can remember it the next day depends huh. If i cant...oh well i'll write about something else then.

The Piece Of Puzzle Part 2

2006-05-19T13:35:00.000+08:00

Before continuing the previous story, i would like to write about something else first. Like my action packed dream. Hahaha yes! I gotta really write it down before i totally forget everything!

An undercover cop. Operating in silence among the dangerous breed of people. We were in some sort of a room..but the good thing is..there is food in it hahah. Spend half of the time eating while waiting for instruction from the authority. Why must they activate the operation in the midst of food appreciation? A few people came in and surround the suspects or okay..lets call them bad guys. Was stilll eating dammit....so i stood up and guard the door coz i saw someone making an attempt to escape. You know whats great about this dream? I am in control! Or was i? Yeahhh most part i am in control whereby i gotta decide what to do. The rest is like a movie....in first person view.

Observe the entire room...the bad guys have been rounded up and seated by the walls. Unhappy look on their face..some even acting so casual. I notice several sharp objects on the floor as one of the bad guy picked it. WTF? Why aren't you people doing anything? And gosh..whats that drill bit doing there? While deciding whether to clear all the sharp objects or leave it......my eyes caught something. A woman there. Wow she look like......omg Sandra Bullock? Heyyy what are you doing in my dream? Ok whateva be wherever you want then.....she was eyeing one of the object. That's the part where my vision fade out....and blurred. And guess what? I was moving on to the next scene! AHAhahah this iss soo great. There i was backing away from the door as that lady approach me. I was getting kinda because she was half smiling and obviously holding something behind her backs.

Me: What are you holding there? Reveal your weapon! (I became aggressive..trying to unarm that lady)
Lady: I said NOTHING! Let go of me! And HELP me remove this thing!

I paused. From her expression...she look desperate..and in pain. (Noo not that kinda of desperate...this is the type where you are in desperate need for help duh haha). I scanned her up and down (Nice body hehehe omg k2 ) and urrrggggh! There between her chest and neck....a pin (its bigger than a pin though) stuck. Someone stabbed her! Panicking but i handled the situation professionally. She told me she was in great pain and the only way is to remove that pin. Who me? GLADLY ahahahah yayyyy. I barely touched that damn pin and she was screaming away. HEY shut up lady! I needa concentrate!

Me: I will take this out don't worry. Endure the pain for a while. There there..breath in, breath out...slowly. Tell you what. Breath in...and i will pull the pin out fast without you noticing it.

(Why do i sound like a doctor handling a labour situation? Ahahaha)

The lady nodded in approval of my plan. I told her to breath in.....and just as my hands approach that pin she scream. HEYYYY! Stop the drama ahahaha! How do you suppose i help you now? I looked into her eyes.

Me: Trust me, this will be over without you knowing it. I promise *smile*
(how do i know im smiling? errrmmm no idea..assuming?)

She relaxed a bit and snapped! I pull it out. HAHAHA where's that breath in signal? Fuck that signal..it would just make her expect the pain coming. See? Its over now but wait! As we stood up...i saw two guys coming out of the door...they are holding baseball bats. WHAT? Hey where's the people in charge of handling the situation in there? Or was it an illusion........ i have been in charge all along. Working alone.......

I suddenly feared for her safety. Don't ask me why...but we made it to the lift door and i pushed her into it. Just goo lady! Close that door! HURRY! As the door closed....WTF HOW ABOUT ME? ARRRGHH those two are approaching fast! And baseball bats......thats it im dead :(

Good thing i took control of this scene. HAHHA pheewww...so there i go in fighting mode. You people are sooo not killing me without a fight! I detected a smirk on one of their face. ASSHOLE! I'm not intimidated by you two! Just because you have baseball bats doesn't mean you got the upper hand! (OK fine i admit i was frightened ahahaha gosh its my safety ...one hit on the head and im much a goner!) The guy smirking decided to test me out and lightly swing that bloody bat. I blocked using my fist. It doesnt hurt? GREATTT! I feel no pain! Thats it you areeee soo gonna get it from me!

A flying kick to Guy A and down he goes. Thanks to the bat coz that was the thing that knocked him down. Left with Guy B. Again i brace myself...in a fighting stance. He made no single move. I distracted him with a paper ball (God knows where i got that paper...) and wham! A punch to his head. Disarm that guy and hold his damn bat. Oh look! Guy A is still alive and running towards me. I have the bat now woot BLUEK! He strikes and i blocked using the bat. With one mighty swing i hit his fat head. Rest in peace people...nooo rot in hell.

Boarded the lift and oohh...the lobby. So it was a hotel. I saw that lady....GEEEZ what happened to you? She looks soo old now! There goes my damn chance....urrggghh this dream is getting ridiculous. Lets move on to the next scene shall we?

OK this sure is interesting. In this scene i was sitting on the stairways with a guy and a gal. That guy was telling us about how he did in school blah blah blah.....BORING! Stop your shit....you're sooooo boring! Spare that gal beside you....she's dozing off already. His friend came by later telling us that he is looking for someone...a gal literally. I followed him and anticipate in the search..as long as i get to escape from the boredom generated by that jerk. The next thing i knew...we were being chased by a group of gals. AHAHAHAH!!! This is sooo hilarious! What have we done this time?

We take our separate ways and run for our dear life. The rest of the gals focus on that guy while one persistent girl chased me. Ohhh.....so from here i conclude i didn't do anything that trigger the chase. It was that guy. What's up with this gal then? AND dammit she sure was FAST! Catching up on me.....hey i was running at full speed yet she gained on me that easily! I stopped running (I'm lazy to run...and why should i be scared? It's only one hot gal...yess a hot gal chasing me how cool is that?) and faced her. I hold her shoulders and started questioning.

Me: Why are you chasing me? (She has beautiful eyes...and ahh i kept locking in the gaze)
Hot gal: *Silence*

The next thing that happened....its lame...but enjoyable. AHAHAHA :D My face gets closer to hers and we started making out. WOOT! Nothing beats a french kiss that feels sooo real despite it being a dream. I felt that tongue alright...a wrestling match initiated haha. I ended the kiss and look at her face. Soo innocent..when she smiled. YAYY ahahaha. BUT SAD my dream gets interrupted again by ridicule ....only this time we are stucked in a shooting war. DAMN YOU PEOPLE let me enjoy the moment with this gal! Shooting here and there...find some other place! Why must it be near us?

Me:GET DOWN...I SAID GET DOWN!

She was still standing upright when the shooting was going on. What is she thinking? I don't want her to get shot! She is stubborn...whhyy? Get down get down girl! Thats it! I dragged her down and the war ended. Everyone died ...except us duh. Ahahaha and thats when my dream ended prematurely coz i felt something biting my left leg. My fat cat.....urrggghh....she was biting me coz my leg were pinning her .....a comfy leg pillow. AHahaha hmmm no more tissue box then...you are officially promoted to a leg pillow! :P

Oh well...never expected a dream to drag that long .....and recalling all the details....so i got sidetracked again. No continuation to the previous story then hehe....we have to wait for Part 3.

To be continued....

The Piece Of Puzzle Part 1

2006-05-18T21:17:00.000+08:00

A fucked up bespectacled pig face staring at the unknown. Aligning his hair while fingers busy attending to the phone. Done with that he gaze at the closing door with mouth wide open...and look! Scratching his arm with a Sony PSP and gathering full concentration he proceeded to drown himself in the virtual world.

Haha nothing better to do other than cricitising people early in the morning. Half of the time i expect them to do so to me eh? What are you looking at bonzo? I'm merely stretchinh my legs, it's not as though i'm blocking your path.

There you go...yawning with no sign of stopping. Omg i really needa stop this! Hahaha the last thing you wanna do is gathering bucketful of sins. Hey check it out..a sleepy chick opposite if my seat! Why do you input that blurry expression? Nooo stop sleeping! Did you take a shower earlier on sweets coz you don't look that fresh. Wonder what goes on in your life yesterday night.....oops! Stop DeNiaL stop for goodness sake!

I blew my chances again. Arrggh this is soo frustrating! Why can't i revert to my usual self? Freakin asshole..damn bastard..shoot yourself in the head with an elephant gun. Not worth living if failure goes uphill constantly. But then again, it seems like i've found yet another piece for this puzzle. As darkness resides a wormhole sucked me into it, flashbacks of 2005.

Tired from skateboarding, i settled down and drank some cold water. Suddenly i felt a gush of wind, a realisation how lonely i felt. Taking action, i get to know a nice girl and from that moment i spend every second communicating with her.

To be continued....

Nia Code Unravelled(Sick) :P

2006-05-17T02:02:00.000+08:00

DeNiaL Production is proud to present the latest entry dedicated to Nia! Trailer is down for the moment and release for it is due at the end of the year. Entitled Nia Code Unravelled(Sick), its the result of some hardwork(DUH) and loads of bullshit. A masterpiece indeed yep :)

"Second Life is far off better than Sims 2!" is the main quote that spawn a series of unparallel sickness...unleashed from the one and only star Nia. Its the mystery that intrigued us...its finally unravelled.

Yes yes you are wondering how the story goes. I was playing Second Life and ooh.. Nia is online! It's been a while since i've chatted with her...so i told her about the game. It's the best...no exaggeration. Imagine living in a world with infinite possibilities....and just like a real world you lead your life. Clubbing? Sureee...just visit those available clubs...like strip (OOHHH), dance (AHHH).....gay (HELL NO i'm not going in there no matter how much you persuade me...yessh even if its a virtual world ahahah). Excited Nia? Yeahh you can run your own business...buy your land and build your dream home....go on a holiday...sighz soo much to do huh?

Here's where the exciting part begin. We began talking about....ehh? No Nia you told me about that guy who was walking with a suit on right? A typical businessman....except....he has got boobs! Omg that is siccckk....totally! BOOBS? That is arrrggh....no comments. I was laughing out loud ahahha...boobs...so yeah i told her...if i were to use a pick up line...hmm it would go something like....

"Hey there :) Those are nicee for a man!"

But wtf...hell no? What if he grip me...and drag me to some place? Yeah Nia added that he's gonna rub his boobs all over me and see how i feel about it. Omg.....but don't worry i was thinking something similar too...

"You want it huh? Here come and get it!" *Shove boobs into my face*

Well what if a girl is doing the pick up then? It would go like...errhhmm...

"Omg...what a nice chest! I loovee it.....its soo defined compared to other guys!" Nia: *smacks lips uh huh.. *

Thats mine...but thanks Nia coz yours is ingenious hehehe. Nia suggested that they can do a boob comparison...but i objected! What a waste....i would fit the job better :P but sadd...she said i dun have them..and yeah a comparison with my ass? (Beforehand i told her i'm a smart ass, she replied that i'm more of the ass..about 7/10 division sooo that means i have like a freaking big ass...verryy weird ahaha). Since i denied that....nah no comparison awwww.....wanna reconsider your decision Nia? With me...skip those comparison rule woot :P

I know im kinda sick too. I told Nia that i'm gonna slit the back of my fat ass cat and stuff tissue in it. A live tissue box...revolutionise and sell it for millions hehehe. Ohh Nia thats not sick enough huh? Oh well but your fat cat seems like a good candidate. Now now don't worry...i don't have to do the killing if you did roll over your fine cat in bed. Just be sure to put that iron mask on though :D

You know...its hard trying to recall something soo hilarious like this. There's a lot more to it.....its really really that complicated to transfer something as simple as a chat to story mode. Nevertheless, i'll move on to what we talk about next.

Nia suggested my cat is used. I was like whaatt? How could you say that? Yeahhh its true..i used her AHAHAHA.....how did you know that Nia? You see right through me huh? Your cat is cute..and since you said its a virgin ...uh hum.......it'll get used soon hehe...

Nooooo i shouldn't be writing about how sick i am! Dammit...focus on Nia...yeah hahaha. A sick mind think alike ....you said that right Nia? And to think you see through me....i feel so used....you invaded my privacy....and you were seeing something else weren't you? :P Ahahaha admit it you are sick! Sick sickatious sickass! Bluek!

Don't worry. The code is not really unravelled coz i'm only leaking some of it. The rest....you gotta ask the actress herself or wait for the big show itself hehe. No matter...it was fun chatting with you Nia! Get well soon..don't let that flu drag you down. :)

A View From My Afternoon

2006-05-16T16:50:00.000+08:00

First of all,there is no dire intention for copyright infringement. This is supposed to be a song title by Arctic Monkeys,though its actually A View From The Afternoon.

A view from my afternoon. Blazing heat penetrating through skin as clouds made no attempt to provide shelter to the exhausted being below. Rumbling of the bus, cold air blasted from the aircon instill no comfort. The heat is is escalating in this draggy battle. An escapade perhaps? Zero chance, it lurks everywhere. Beads of perspiration exit from naked pores, trickling to the pull of gravity. It's been a long day...

Despite the 12 hour rest i acquired, i sat helplessly as eyelids shut relentlessly. Have i been enduring too much only to fall to the ground in utter defeat? A cold star from the opposition which i replied with a freezing one. What did i do to deserve this? Moral misconduct is an obvious no-no, my facial expression? Potrayal of unhappiness as usual, it is a normal format. Oh...did i irked you with this pathetic face? Or was it my laid back position?

Tell you what, i don't give a fuck about you, nor do i give a fuck to the rest of the commuters here. Keep your opinion and judgement to yourself..who are you people to judge me? Visual intensity building, i'm drowning here. Is curiosity your excuse? There's nothing special about me...there's nothing to check out here.

Isn't solitary life wonderful? Away from society and living in my own damn world. Sure it gets boring but it would still be an equal factor when you venture and mingle. Mingling with no success is sure disappointment. Do i have to remain an outcast? My existance is slowly dissipating...

Enganging in a neverending battle right now. The outcome is unpredictable, shrouded by vast thick fog. Deep inside i know that i'm good enough to face the world and succeeding in every aspects of leading to the right purpose. Hold on, the light bulb lit up with a new theory. Gee..it does make sense.

All this while, hey nope..i mean in recent years i developed an assumption. I started assuming that the people around me are unapproachable. Huh? Coz they are roaches? Ahahaha well if they were roaches i would be living in a nightmare everyday...eeek....okay fine why that assumption? I usually look around and study people's face. Omg that look mean...hey that look....expressionless? Yep...it's hard reading a person's face. You think they are happy just because they smile but no one knows what is in store inside. Unapproachable mainly because of the way they potray that blank expression, giving me doubts. As usual i will give an example.

Walking towards school, i spotted a girl going the opposite direction of mine. Not bad, she looks cute. Should i go ahead and started a conversation with her?

Here is what my mind processed at that very second....

1)Look at her face...she's unapproachable. She doesn't give a fuck about you dude...she's not interested....

2)You are an ugly duckling (AHAHA more like ugly fuckling)

3)Are you really gonna initiate that conversation? Are you up for it? You will end up in embarassment trust me....

4) She look as though she is in a hurry. Stopping her will just be messy...no absolute chance.

5) Never mind...you are a loser. Just suffer there.

Ahahaha yup..that is the my logical approach. Pretty bad...i can see that myself thank you. It doesn't use to be this way....i've changed a lot. Why am i so afraid? Because of rejection? Screw rejection....i'm soo used to it. I've never faced much rejection...only a few but it doesn't affect me.
Fear? She is a human being like you too dammit.....why fear her so much? Don't wanna make a fool of yourself? AHAHA wtf.....you are already a fool to start with. So what is the main problem here?

Why can't i take the initiative like i always do? You know what? Perhaps she is feeling that way too....and omg i forgot...i potray that unapproachable face too hehehe..silly me. I won't know if i don't try right? Exactly! It's because i don't even try that things are going downhill. Like duh....you are no pretty boy that gals will flock to you. Ahahah......you take the first move dumbass. Like you...she is feeling the same thing. She thinks she is not good enough...blah blah blah.......take action and break that barrier. Do it right now! Errmm..ok too drastic....do it some other times hehe.

It's good to know that finding faults in myself is my forte. Yeah....i bet you noticed too...i can't write much when it comes to really cheerful and bright topic....but when it switches to the glommy side...wooot i can just go on and on ...that is if i'm not lazy to type like riiggght now. :P

Check Out

2006-05-16T02:26:00.000+08:00

Slowly walking towards the counter, i imagined life the normal way as it is. It's been 4 years since i've checked in into this suite of nocturnal glory (Gee nocturnal glory? Sounds funny ahah)and now i've made a decision to end my stay. It's been great, but i needa get back to what i'm used to be. A smile greeted me from behind the counter as i hesitate to voice out my intention of checking out. Nevertheless i take in deep breaths and proceed with the processes.

Isn't it a sudden measure? Cold turkey, i'm ending my nocturnal life abruptly. Sad to say, i'm already used to this. Forcing myself to get out is hard but i had to do this. I'm beginning to capture the air of loneliness around me as the peace and stillness at this dead hour consume me. Is this the right decision? Why change?

Don't ask me that question. The action that i execute can be mysterious at times, even i myself don't get it. If changing helps in piecing up the complex puzzle, so be it. There's so much to unravel. There's so little time. All i wanted is to understand myself. Why is doing that sooo hurting?

Since i've made up my mind, there is no way that i'm gonna go back and reset my decision. I've learn to really think carefully before doing anything just in case its gonna scar me for the rest of my life. Whether its right or wrong, i won't know for sure.

Checking out......the bill is expensive. It cost me daytime with additional reduction of social interaction. How am i suppose to regain all of that? Daytime isn't a problem huh....but social interaction? I can stare at the ceiling for as long as i want to and still won't reach an answer.

Sigh, lets move on to something else. This is too mind consuming and i don't have time to solve the puzzle. Ok.....what about then? How about honesty? Yeah honesty sounds great....though i don't have much to write about it.

Honesty is a value that resides in us. Collabration with truth obviously,coz without honesty there's no truth in words. But don't you think being too honest could just lead to disaster?

You are in a provision store. Your friend pocketed a chocolate bar and signal to you. Keep quiet, lets get out of here. Here's when honesty strikes.

a) You being the honest guy, decided not to entertain this fool. You reported him to the owner. Your friend is pissed off. What kinda friend are you? He hates you to the core for getting him into trouble, and tell everyone about it. You are too honest, people just dun wanna befriend you coz there's no fun in it. For example...they decide to play a prank on someone......and you being so honest tell that person...spoiling all the plan. But isn't that a good thing? Hahaha confusing.....but spoiling the fun isn't that great huh?

b)No one saw it aniwae except you. So lets go...but oops. Owner caught both of you, you get into trouble too coz you collabrated with your friend. Soooo in trouble. In an attempt to save your friends from trouble, in the end both of you ended up in this big pile of shit. Serve you right? Is that the way to help a friend?

Ahh never mind..there is a lot of version out there to depict honesty. I dun care how it is...it would still be the same duh. Honesty is like a multiple choice question. Right and wrong are decided by you. Well would you wanna trigger honesty if you cheat in your examination and get full marks for it? It benefit you....and being honest would not only erase those marks...you might get expelled too? So are you still gonna do it? Stick with the positive values and getting screwed? OMG BUT OF COURSE...if you stick to honesty in the first place......you won't be cheating in the first place. HAHAHa....gosh.....no comments...i'm stuck right now.....can't think.

BUT....what if you were waiting for the bus at the bus stop? You look around....and whats that on the floor? a $100 note! Well since you insist on being honest....you know that is not yours...nooo don't pick it up! (Has this gotta do with honesty? NO IDEA ahahaha but just bear with the crappiness). What an ass.....as much as i'm honest (OoOh am i? Hehehe :P) i won't be stupid enough to let that money get picked up by other people. MINE! MINE! WOOT! Thats luck .....yeahh i can buy my hard drive then yay.

Ok...lets see what i'm gonna do if i stumble upon a wallet. First of all...i check the content. If its loaded with money.....dammit screw honesty...AHAHAH! If its not...hmmm why not be a good citizen and hand it over to the police? :P Yep you can see that i triggered honesty only after analysing the situation...as in is it worth being honest at that point of time?

Oh well..but if you were the one who lost that wallet...you wish that people would be honest and return it to you. Pissed off huh? Thats lots of money in there....come on return it back to me! Well if i lost my wallet.....i know for a certain that i won't get it back. I assume most people are like me...so yeah they are gonna keep my money.....can only depend on a small percentage to obtain it back.

The world lacks honest people and its the truth ahahaha. I can try....but as usual...pointless...there's no way i'm gonna be that honest and lose out. OMG.....but isn't honesty a value that we should uphold? Errhhhmmm......never mind....i dun wanna think about it.

Life As It Is

2006-05-14T15:20:00.000+08:00

It's Sunday. And heyy...it's Mother's Day. Sigh to think i wasn't even aware of that. I feel bad too, i don't have anything for my mom. All i can do is act a little blur.....

Me:Errm...what is the date today?
Mom: 14th of May. Why?
Me: Ooh...hmm...isn't it Mother's Day?
Mom:Yes it is.
Me: Happy Mother's Day!
Mom: Gee, thanks!

And that's it? Yeah it is, like i said i don't have anything to give her except for my well wishes. Only words but it's certainly meaningful when you say it with love. And there she go out of the door, celebrating this special day with her friends. Have fun mom!

To be honest, i've never celebrated this kinda days before in life. Perhaps i did, but i can barely recall. I don't even celebrate my own birthday, its just like any normal days. I don't have any good reason to celebrate that day so yeah just an increment of age. No birthday presents no wishes ahaha...low profiler. Hey wait..some of my friends do know...but all they care is a birthday bash haha...which means you'll get the crap of you of beaten by a huge group of friends as your "present". Nice huh?

Yesterday i meet up with three of my friends and proceeeded to another gig. Same place like previously....only this time its more of a screamo genre. Entrance fee is $5...we paid and waited for the first band to start performing. AHAHAHA it was a freaking joke....i laughed my ass out while watching them. They were SOOOOO into it that the vocal started to throw his mic and lie down..squirming and whatever weird stuff like pulling his hair... OMG IT WAS SOOO HILARIOUS!! And the bassist...went down from the stage and play like a madman....swinging his bass around wtf. Think of people around you asshole......

Me:Look at that fucker...swinging his bass around..what is he thinking?
Friend: HAHA this is sooo boring..lets go out and wait for the next band...
Me: Why not we conduct a moshpit when that bassist comes down from that stage..we 'll surround him...you hold him..i'll knuckle his head...kick his balls and break his bass guitar into half....
Friend: AHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

Nah i wasn't serious ahaha...it was just for the sake of entertainment when i said that. They wereeee boring...i can't stand it. The next band did well though...i enjoyed listening to them. But thats not the point! I only look forward to the moshpit. And wooohooo there were soo many girls around yeeeeeeaahhhhhhhh riggghht on! And oooohhh they love the moshpit.....wow i'm loving it more in that case :P

The place is dark and warm. VERY warm....beyond comfort. I can barely see the faces of any of the girls...and that's great isnt it? HAHAHAH *grin* well....if you did anything stupid...they won't find out :P ERrrrrr no not those kinda haha...well you know pushing them...stepping on their legs....in fact throughout the mosh sessions i have no idea who im pushing around..i just get that feeling that i touched wayyy too much. OMG ahahaha...should i tell you people? Man...lets treat it as an accident okay? Hahah yeahh sooffft....nicee....

At one point i didn't want to enter the pit because....a girl was standing right behind me! I don't wanna push her to the side just to get into it...and due to the rapid movements there..she kept getting closer...closer...and ahh..the grinding. No pits please..i would rather stay here AHAHAHA gosh.....naahhh i went in aniwae coz i dun wanna be seen as a pervetic bastard who just wanna feel around dammit. This time i enjoyed it a lot coz i finally get the experience of receiving punches and kicks. Amazing how i enjoyed those stuff ahaha ...weirdo..

Body surfing. It was crazy...totally insane. And when girls do it..its crazier....everyone literally gets to feel her OMG. After having enough....elevated to the floor and hug me for support. Yeah im hugging a stranger..a freaking hot and sweaty girl. Hahahah i can't say i don't enjoy it...coz i did..hug me again girl? This time a peck on my cheeks for supporting you? :P

Before going off...one last session please! The greatest moment of my life..really enjoyable. Lost my mind and oops....did i just turn into monkey boy? HAHAHA jumping around....tripping people...and this girl tripped me. What an ass....so i fall on her...my legs pinning her. At first i thought it was a guy......but thats quite a big and soft chest...OOPS! I lift my legs and stand up...and her friends dragged her out...damn i should have pulled her up myself but i wasn't thinking of that..just recovering from the shock. I made my way to the side....but another girl comes by...shaking her head...swinging her hands...and punched my damn face. It doesn't hurt....and i had this idea of returning it back but DUDE WAKE UP she's a girl for goodness sake! And noooooo what were you thinking trying to take advantage of her? Moronic asshole i became after losing my senses in that pit ahaha....but i'm not that kinda guy okay.

The finale....from the back me and my friends made one final attempt to have fun.

Me: Should we enter this pit?
Friends: On the count of 3!
Me: 1! 2! GOOOO!!!!!!

AHAHAH woot.....bulldozing our way .....the band ended their final song and off we go to get some fresh air. Drenched...took of my shirt and walk all the way out. Soo memorable...

To Takashimaya next. Is that the right spelling for Taka? Noo idea..who cares. And guess what? Sat down for a moment and got screened by two police officers! WHY? Why must you target me? You see...they walked pass me from where im seated...and so i look back to see where they are going. They stop walking..turn around and came towards me. WTF? What have i done wrong? Do i look like a crook or something? Some wanted face?

Police: Hello people ( I was with another friend...the rest went off somewhere and will be back later on)
Police: We are going to conduct a screening.....ic please?

Dammit..screening is like soo common in my life. Getting screened all the time...BORING. Same old routine....only this time they want to see my handphone too. OK i know you are doing your job.....yes yes i look like a bad guy huh...those who steal handphones from others. Throughout the screening i was acting too casual...as though the police don't exist. Who cares....right? I'm innocent, there's nothing to be afraid of. Whateva officers..

A reunion...the noisiest bunch of people there. Jackasses ahaha...shouting...pushing...all kinda antics..out of their mind. Too much to write....i'm getting tired already.

Didn't went home...ok i did for a while....then went out to hang out with friends. The usual hanging out...loads of bullshit...craps and everything bad. Too plain...not worth writing here here. Urrggh..k i just can't wait to wrap this up haha.....yeahh fineeee its a wrap!

Another Challenge...Completed

2006-05-13T00:48:00.000+08:00

I received yet another challenge..and yes i managed to clear all the 5 words ahaha....i dun have a name for the song yet...soo here it is..

If i'm given a chance i'll kiss you
Never will i let you go
REMEMBER the night when we met at the ball
Just cant stop myself from looking at you

As you descend that steps i wonder
The angel behind that MASQUE
With graceness that outshines everyone
You show nothing but an aura of perfection

Concealed from view
But that will never stop
Myself from loving you
And you know yourself
How much this mean to me
Let me hold your hands
Let me walk you down that stairway
It's true........i've been waiting for you

I feel nothing but goodness within me
Only when you are around
CLEANSED these ACIDS that poison my heart
A new story unfold,a chapter began

When we take the floor for our dance
You showed me how it was done
Degradation of COLLAGEN
Wont bring much beauty smile

All i need,is that lips
To clear my sorrow down

Concealed from view
But that will never stop
Myself from loving you
And you know yourself
How much this mean to me
Let me hold your hands
Let me walk you down that stairway
It's true........i've been waiting for you

Static Volcano

2006-05-11T22:47:00.000+08:00

Extreme tiredness. Totally extreme. It's as though every strand of life has been sucked away from your body,leaving you empty,leaving you lifeless. More of a walking dead just now......just walking with mind strayed away from the body itself.

It started with a trip to the gym that eventually sidetracked. I was planning to grab a bite before hitting the gym..i was feeling weak all over. So i ate and guess what? The meal was free! Ahahaha...you see the system of payment that the shop implemented was kinda weak...and we were supposed to pay only after we finished our meal. But that doesn't happen coz we totally forgot about it and walk off....only realising it after we reached the bus stop. Man...i feel guilty alright...there i was enjoying something free that has been prepared by people who put their hardwork on it...and they are earning a living. But sighz...if that was meant to be my lucky day i'll just accept it willingly. Who doesn't love freebies eh? Obviously after that.....the sleepiness gets overwhelming. Too overwhelming and thats the period where "Walking of the Dead" began.
So at the bus stop Mr Moron began his usual nonsense. I can't stand it really. Here i am just wanting to be at my bed....only to have him making my good mood dissipate slowly.

He keeps going on and on.....and came to a part where he told me not to be surprised if a girl message me on my phone. So i was obviously curious....why the fuck would a girl wanna message me out of the blue?

"I dunno...the girl is interested in you..and would like to know you better. You should give her a chance...she's somewhat your age and .....err...just gooo for it!"

Ahahah but i was no fool alright. I keep questioning him....

Me: How did she get my number? Did you give it to her?
Moron: I didn't. I did keep contact with her..i've deleted the number already.
Me: So?
Moron: She told me that she found your number on the bus.
Me: That's it Mr Moron. Don't try to fool me already. Finding my number on the bus? I'm used to hearing that kinda excuse.
Moron: I'm not joking! Believe me..just play along with her.....

Riiggght. Obviously i know this isnt true. Why? How could a girl be interested in me if she has never even met me before? She doesn't know me...and picking up my number in a bus and suddenly gain interest? LIKE WTF THAT IS STUPENDOUS! And you Mr Moron..said you deleted her number. SO HOW DO YOU KNOW THAT SHE FOUND MY NUMBER ON THE BUS? ASSSHOLE.

We boarded the bus....and yack yack yack he goes. I was pissed off by now.....dude you wanna play a trick on me? Fat hope.....i'm not born yesterday. I'm exposed to all kind of scenarios like this....and oh well looks like i'll handle it my way.

Yack yack yack he made a phonecall.....yep i know of his stupid plot already. He tried to make the call as secretly as possible..but heyyy.....eventhough im sleepy i still know what he's up to. So he was talking to a girl. (AHahahah they way he talks...im sure .....its goes like soo soft and sweet....like urrgggh).

Did you recall MI3? Ohhh yeah i'm playing the agent now. Applying some sharp hearing techniques..i strain my ears to capture the conversation. Not only that, i applied something which i haven't mastered...lip reading! Hehehe it was fun guessing what he was saying just by lip movement.....and too bad, all my guesses were right! :D WOOT! Swell swell.....Mr Moron you're just an idiot. You should try tricking someone dumber than you.....you got the wrong target jerk.

Let me recall what he was saying alright....

"What are you doing right now? Busy? Can you do me a favor? Please? It's easy....can you like tease my friend a bit, by acting as though you wanna know him better, just show interest....i'll give you his number."

That girl was obviously reluctant...ahaha yes i can sense it. Nevertheless she gave in and agree to his lame bidding.

"Have you message him yet? Just give him one standard 'I wanna know you better' message..."

And my suspicion was right on. When i caught him mentioning my name at the start of the conversation, he was denying and trying to lie that he's not talking to the girl...and that he is not referring to me when he explain that fucking lame plan to her. LIKE DUH....you're a bad liar.
After that sentence above, i did receive a message from someone.

"Hey...can we get to know each other better? Hmm.."

You know what i replied back?

"Hey be honest with me now. Is Mr Moron behind all of this? If he is...he is a fucking asshole......... :( hmmph....tell him that!"

While typing that message...i caught another sentence from him thanks to lip reading.

"Give him a miss call too..do it now.."

And yes i did received a miss call. AHAHAHA man.....this is totally absurd. After sending that message, i no longer received anything from that girl. Well i'm SURE she felt stupid....doing all this....and forwarded my message to SICKO Mr Moron. He laughed...(YEAH FUCKER LAUGH AT YOUR DUMBNESS..MOTHERFUCKER ROT IN HELL!) and finally admitted masterminding the plot. BLAH! Too bad i knew better....you cant fool me dude. I'm too clever for you to fool. Like i said ...pick someone who's dumber than you.

At the very least i managed to practise lip reading. The damage has been done though....im reallly realllly pissed off that i'm getting this ideology of physical hurt upon him. I was eyeing him all the way....but came back to senses and keep quiet all the way. REAL quiet...real bored...real tired...real dead.....basically dragged myself around Bedok before proceeding to play a game of pool.

Nope...no mood to play pool either..just won one freaking game of 9 ball. Constantly falling asleep ahahaha even while standing.....i just can't take it anymore.

The game ended finally. PHEW ....home sweet home. But nooo...i wasn't spared from his constant annoyance...told me that his friend stirred up some problem again....Orchard again...and he would call me if help is needed. BLAH......

I'm really sick of him. Sick to the core. He is too much of a stupid being....an asshole.......i dunno....if one day my rage just goes over the limit....i swear i'll beat the crap out of him. Friend or no friend. With friends like that...i rather lead a solitary life.

Amusement?

2006-05-11T05:45:00.000+08:00

You know whats really really annoying? To forget those amazing ideas of yours at the very last moment. Yep....like everything you thought of just gets flushed downn the fucking drain in the dying seconds..

Yes....i bet it happen all the time. It sure is unfair....its exhausting to even think of it. I can't even remember what i'm suppose to be writing for this entry.Hmm whattt? Whattt?? Gosh whyyy? Ahahah...this reallly sux.

Oh wait a minute....hmmm was i supposed to write about ways to amuse ourselves? Seriously i dunno...but it kinda sounds familiar to me. Ahahah...well k then if thats the case..lets stick with this topic. Amusing ourselves.

There's obviously many many ways to amuse ourselves...and we are only limited by our own creativity. In fact..even something that is plain boring may appear amusing if we care to let our imagination run wild. You want example huh? Errmm....ahahahha well how about this. Get a microphone and set yourself loose on recording all those stuff. You may never know it ...but you're gonna end up laughing at your own voice ahaha coz it might just sounds funny to you...or to others hahahah. As for me...yeahh i tried recording something with full hope of turning it into something mysterious...only to end up with an alternative result. YEAHH...that mysterious...turns into a fucking sleepy voice that not only makes me laugh at it...it sure amuse another person which i share with. Hahahah yeahhh its amusing that you can laugh and laugh about something which is least expected...and to think you are like making a fool of yourself....but i don't care really. Ahahaha all that matter is that we have loads of fun. Yup i don't mind making fun of myself to achieve that...as long as its laughable i'm up for it hehehee :P

Why ...damn its already 6 05 am. Ahaha sigh.....just as i'm getting warmed up to continue writing more......what a spoiler. Guess i have to really stop now.....i'll make up with something even better later on aight? Ahahaha yeah so at this point onward just find something amusing to do with yourself..like squeeze your cat or something to make it squeak ahaha :P

A Drill Of Idea

2006-05-10T05:06:00.000+08:00

Omg the heat is is sooo unbearable. It's getting way too uncomfortable here..i'm squirming in my seat already. I'm already half naked...and i can't stand the heat. How naked can i be to feel comfortable ahaha? Oooh you mean there's another layer of me that can be taken off ? Hehehe...

Even so..writing this entry is damn hard. First of all...yes the content. I'm still not sure myself of what to write. Second, An IRQ problem that is bugging my laptop at the wrong moment. Asshole....k imagine you are typing ....and the cursor sudden move up to the start of the first paragraph (that means to the left of Omg) Yes you are typing and typing only to realise the words appear there. How annoying can it be? I can assure you...its VERY annoying.

To tell you the truth, I've been thinking from 1 am. Despite that, i still have no idea what to write. There i was, lying on my bed, trying my best to think of something. Kept tossing here and there....staring at the ceiling for that idea to finally appear. It didnt (AHAHAH). And to make it worst, i've got a feeling that i fell asleep. YEAH....if that wasnt sleeping.....explain how i dream of chilling out with LOUD friends. Like reaalll loud you know...where we don't care of anyone else in the world except ourselves and talk to each other as though they are deaf or something . Hahaha yeahhh thats another annoying thing. Hello...i'm not deaf okay? DON'T have to talk loudly to me...the more louder you get...the more you will get ignored. So i suffered alright...from 1 am onwards to like intervals of 1 hour each. Keep waking up....and keep thinking....what am i gonna write? At around 4 am or so...i somehow think someone answered that for me.

Well ahaha....yeah she suggested that i write about something related to the human reaction. At first i was like....huh? What are you talking about? It slowly melt down....and bingo! I think i know exactly what she wanted me to write about! Or so i think ahaha..can never too sure about it.....but at least heyyy..thanks for the idea :P

Have you ever realise how a human usually react when they are lying? They gets more and more defensive of themselves....trying to show the other party that they are telling the truth. This is usually the give away....like whats the point of over reacting? I knew it..you are feeling guilty and trying to hide it ahahaha. But theeenn again...you can never be so sure. A person who is telling the truth can also react like that coz he or she is panicky. "Omg im telling the truth this is not fair..what if she think im lying?" Yeah not everyone can be calm telling the truth when they are blamed for something they did not do.

Nowadays..humans have changed. Ahahah no more desperation in trying to assure..just complete calmness..like one cool ass. Hehehe yeaahh put on some acting shall we? Everything around us is just a movie set..and we are the main actor/actresses. So if we have to lie...we lie just like that. As lying becomes more and more advanced.....imagine the pain from the wound the lie inflicted. It must have been even worse huh?

You don't have to do the imagination. I'll give you a scenario. Okay..i used to watch on TV...some drama series that depict a couple. Let's call the man X and the lady Y. X holds on to Y and keep asking her does she love him? Like damn annoying...keep asking the same question over and over again...obviously something wasn't right here. So it turns out that X killed Y's best friend......hahahah wow very twisted. So X goes on....you know i love you soo much....and im sure you love me too. Would you not want me to be in prison and see me suffer in there?

So for love sake....Y didn't report. WTF man......obviously X is just a freaking coward who lies about love as a cover to include you into this murder plot. By not reporting...you are part of it too...sooo hehehe there you go.

As time goes on X keeps lying and lying....about how Y can keep the money taken from her best friend so that he won't run away from the relationship after inheriting millions. Yeah how advanced that lie is .... Y falls for it.....and as usual X takes advantage and goes gambling..and womanising.....still got away with it though ahaha..coz he was sooo freaking good at lying. In the end..... Y caught X in bed....there you go...theres no way you can lie your way out BASTARD....Y was totally hurt of course...but she cant do much because by falling into his lie in the first place...she has become part of the murder. Left with no choice....she killed X and later on killed herself. How sad...

There's no obvious way to tell whether a person is lying or not. IF your sense of judgement is already poor in the first place.....there's no point in judging. In life...its more of like a guessing game...is that guy telling the truth when he said he love me or is he just playing around? Yes everyone has doubts. Lies become more complicated these days...and sounded more assuring. People know how to cover their lies easily without being detected.

I'm not lying if i said i have plenty of time to finish this entry coz i don't. I'm not lying if i said i have no more to write.

Well in fact....i still have a lot more to write. I can practically go on and on....but time doesn't allow me coz school starts at 8am...and oops..gotta get prepared at 6am . Look at the time now..its 5 50 am....and to think i really wanna go on..but i can't alright....believe it or not...(Like duh in 10 mins you can still write plenty...but you prefer not to coz you are plain lazy :P)

Right right....i dun have intention to make you start feeling doubtful here and there..just be wary of situations. Ok2 ....i really have to go now.....perhaps i'll continue on this entry next time (That's a lie AHAHAHA) :)

Blurry

2006-05-09T18:39:00.000+08:00

To love is to love
To kiss is to kiss
A gift from up above
That i never fail to miss

Make a wish upon the shooting star
Sit,wait and look at the moon
Never so near..never so far
Time will pause for us soon

Every moment,every event seem to whiz by. Blurry vision of what seem to be yesterday. Have you ever been in a stage whereby a dream seems too real that you thought you are really experiencing it? And you wake up only to disappointment that it didn't happen at all.

Well you see....today is a really weird day. Like REAL weird. Off i go to school at 8+ am...as usual. Took the train.....went to class to have Java lesson, lead the usual lesson......everything seem to be normal. But you know what? All of these weren't happening! I SERIOUSLY thought it was.....until the moment i woke up. WHAT THE FUCK! I've beeen sleeping the whole day without realising it! This is all tooo weird....as you can see i merely lead my typical day at school in my dream! Man....to think I was relieved to survive another day at school......and waking up to the reality..all of these didn't even happened.

Of course i am totally upset. Has other days been like this too? Im too scared to acknowledge that. I've let myself down...i've let everyone down. But let me try my best to really recall...what actually happened? I remembered eating a pill because I had a headache.....and from that point onward i dunno what happened. So going out of the door is just an illusion huh? Perhaps instead of doing that i lie on my bed and instantly get a dream that simulate my day. Going out of that door....blah blah. OMG this is too much.

So i was tricked by my mind. Dammit...manipulated. Perhaps something gave away the realism of it.....ahh i remembered! You see....everything could have been perfect....if not for something else that appeared. I won 4D out of a sudden. Thats ridiculous! How the heck am i suppose to win 4D if I didn't even bought the tickets..and I'm in school? That's when the terrible truth came out....i got a hold of the state of awareness and woke up.....fully clothed and with my school bag beside me. Ahahah gosh....this is what i call tooooo much confusion. Did i really went to school...got back and have a nap? Or did i not went to school and thought i was?

Any answers from you people? Please share it with me.......................

And Another One

2006-05-08T04:01:00.000+08:00

Bluek! :P Ahaha i just love saying that ...though i just did an entry just now...i feel like writing another one woot...but hmm i dun intend to write normally this time round. A poem or so shall we? :)

You gotta go...I give a sigh
You blew a kiss..wow that makes me high
You know thats true..I never lie

On this bed I lay
You made me smile..thats all I gotta say
You made me wanna stay...

Day by day, night by night
Images in dreams..ooh what a sight
It feel sooo right....

Under the starry sky we met
From that point onward my heart is set
Theres nothing else I wanna get

Why is life so wonderful
The melody, its beatiful
Feed me more than plentiful

Today ends,there's always tomorrow
Do you mind? Your heart I borrow
A healing to my sorrow

I know you are wondering..why its made up of three line?
Oh well...as long as it rhymes....it looks fine
Coz I do what I want,this blog is mine!

Hehehe heyy well as usual..thinking and writing on the spot without hesitation. And sorry if the words used are of limitation. What counts is the sincerity...everything is original...noo not imitation! Omg ....why the heck am i still rhyming the words hahaa....if you have any piece of work you wanna share..eg songs/poems/story pleasse don't be shy to tell me..i'll post em up just for you :)

Mission Impossible?

2006-05-08T00:28:00.000+08:00

Ahaha woah...went to the movies to catch MI3. Just as expected...it was a great great movie! Damn...i can't get enough of the action....

More of like can't get enough of the gals :P Wooot! No i didn't drool over them hehe....just woah....just staring at them with mouth wide open....and hand continuously feeding it with popcorn....hehehe. Yeah food is a main priority when watching movie. Bought a lot of food...yipee..and started feasting after being seated. Oooh yeah....by the time the movie starts....hmm my super large popcorn is 3/4 empty. And not only that...ate around 10 cheesy sausage..those are yummy. Soo the movie finally starts...and geee...i dont have to hold on to my seats...there's no suspense! Errmmm..are you sure you were talking about the same movie Iqa? Ahahah :P

Poor agent....she died so horribly. And to think she would die on the last second before being saved. Asss....dying like that.....sad. Verry verryyy sad :( But sighs thats not the point. The point is....that laddy is hooottt! Yeeeaaaaahh right on....damn Tom Cruise...aren't you one lucky SOB. AHAHA....Mount Monica huh...or whatever......hey dammit i wanna learn lip talk. Super cool skill......i think i needa start learning it now. That skill is handy you know....imagine if someone is talking about you from far...woohoo caught red handed!

I tried drooling but i can't haha. Seriously...that agent dressing up in red....with that wide split....arrrggh...hehe can't stand it! And the car...too bad...exploding it is really a waste :(

Living a life like that is dangerous. You are not only exposing yourself to a series of danger, but the life of your love ones too. Thats a real dream job you know...but if i take it up..i won't wanna risk anyone around me. Seriously...let me die alone. I dun wanna involve my love ones...it hurts me much....and yes it can affect my job..just like it did to Ethan Hunt when that fucker describe what he's gonna do to his hot gal.

So is deception the main theme here? Right from the start, it was the work of someone who we least expected. Someone who assist in a way that make us dismiss the suspicion. It was a good twist..i admit i fell for it. Good deception, but most of all i love the use of misdirection. Yes i agree..in this kinda work we needa use misdirection to bring down the guards of the security personnel. As i mentioned before,human is the weakest link when it comes to security, k so are machines haha coz they are build by humans remember? The flaws will always be there.

I won't reveal much about the movie in case you haven't catch it yet...but just check out the ladies. Screw the actions.....hello ladies ahaha!

Just can't stop thinking of that hot lady...man....hey wait im not suppose to be talking abt that movie anymore ahahah. K2 fine ...nothing much happen after that...just that i fucking encountered a flying cockroach! Like what the fuck......it was really persistent at flying towards me.. end up sticking to the back of my mom instead. AHAHAH it was hilarious...ok comical...to see her running around and shrieking ......so that damn thing fly again...this time towards me....and it was gone in a split second..where did it go to? Brrr...keep brushing my back just in case you know...hehehe....
Oh well thats just about it. There's nothing much happening today..just check out that movie if you have the time. :)

Fading Reception

2006-05-07T05:08:00.000+08:00

A kiss to you goodnight
Under the enchanting moonlight
Close your eyes and sleep tight
To hell with the bed bugs...just dont let me bite! :P

Fading...yet so clear. So smooth...with style and elegance..that touch the soul within me. Soothing...enlightening....just mesmerising....

I'm standing on a stage, all alone. Slowly..yet gently...i began to float with the wonder and essence...captivating. Delicate echo ringing in my ear....soo soothing....just melts my heart away. Helpless with the constant loopback, playing forever in my head. Glad that it did, the one and only helplessness thats proven healthy.

Floating endlessly...with only one direction towards the special star. A siren blasting off breaking the undeserved silence in the middle of the night you say...but no. Its a melody thats is luring me...bringing me closer to the treasure chest denoted by an X....(aahaha :))

What the fuck...i fell asleep while writing my entry! Arrgh im mad at myself now......it was suppose to be done a few hours back! Geez.....im upset right now...lost of mood :(

Eew Bugs...And Other Creepy Crawlies

2006-05-06T04:05:00.000+08:00

Damn....i can't really say i'm afraid of them. Why should i? I'm bigger than them...they should be afraid of me instead.(In fact yes i think they are afraid of us)Somehow...there's a little fear when facing them...errmm....nooooo im just disgusted by them!

One of the most disgusting is cockroaches. WTF i haaatte them! Urrghh i just can't stand it when i'm facing them. At times when i look at them closely...hey they look like ants. Their eyes...their head....so i was thinking..hmm not bad. Ants are cute...harmless (Like duh...try standing on a group of red ants.....doesn't hurt huh).But thats the problem! They are not freaking ants! They look disgusting..they look ugly....and arrrgghh...especially the adult ones. They move at lightning speed..and they appear from everywhere. That's really scary.....

Gotta admit i feel kinda nervous when i encounter them. With their incredible speed..will they rush to you? Ahahaha...thats the last thing i want...physical contact. Brrr....shivers....but its the sudden appearing act that disturb me the most. They appear when you are least expected. K for example....you are just taking a mug from the cupboard. What do you know...a cockroach sudden rush from nowhere. ARRRGGGH SCREW YOU! Hahaha yep it affect me so much that i usually let go of the mug and stand back. Gross....and imagine if that was a glass mug...just how many mugs will break in a day......hehehe. Hey you can't blame me...i'm just shock from that fact that something soooo disgusting is speeding there. It's really annoying you know....and when enough is enough...i usually give up the idea of getting that mug out from the cupboard in the first place. Ok how about encounters on the floor? When i'm out....hah! Who fucking cares....any unlucky cockroaches crossing my path will end up dead. Oooh yeah they make good targets for kicking ahahaha.....and just one kick is enough to end their live. Poor cockroach...i can't believe i kill you.....im terribly sorry... NOT ! BOOO you deserve it sucker.....thats for disturbing soo much! Hah!

At home though..its wayyy wayyy different. I'm not wearing shoes you see.....whoa don't expect me to kick them! What if the kicking ended up with the cockroach stuck on my foot?!ARRRGGHHH i'll be in a state of frenzy i swear hahaha! Wait...but i dun have problem with the smaller ones....i can even kick them hahaa...or just shove them away with my hands.....whyy...whyy....maybe because the big one is faster? And 100X DISGUSTING? I guess so.....i still think the small ones are cute...esp when you squash them ahahaha. And people...you can't say i'm afraid of them because....if i am..i wouldn't even be able to handle a dead one. I have this habit of picking up a dead cockroach...by their feelers or whatever that long thingy is....and observe them. "Why the fuck are you sooo ugly? Look at your legs...eeewww dammit are those your pubic hairs? Urrggh....pal you look wayy better without that body of yours...." And you probably know what happen next. Since my sister is really scared of them...i would just hold that freaking dead cockroach and approach her. Its comical to see her freak out..and shriek..."Get it away from me!!!! MOM!!!!! STOP HIM!!" Ahhh..nothing beats the feeling of overpowering your sister when she's always defiant hehehehe...soo hmm....who cares about your pleading? *grin* you know what? Here you can have this thing......and just flung it to her...HAHAHAH!

She either end up crying ...or cursing me and hating me for the rest of the day. Sad.....to think a cockroach is that evil to cause all these :P Well thats not always the case. My sister seems to be able to counter me by buying something which i never thought would be even scarier....a damn rubber spider. How worse can it get? Even if its rubber....i can already feel the tingling sensation....get it away from me!!! Plleeassse i beg you ahahahaha i'll doo anything just keep that away!

Yep that use to be the case. I was never afraid of spiders before until i watched Eight Legged Freak. That motherfucking movie change my view of spiders. They are terrifying....they are dangerous....annd eew look at those fangs......they handle you with their freaking legs or hands..i dunno... and spin a web on you. Ahaha from that moment...its arachnophobia. Yeah..thats why i was affected even by a rubber one. That slowly change too...coz i start wondering...hell no..they are no spiders that is as big as those in that movie..this is alll plain bullshit! The dangerous part remain though......have a look at tarantula hahaha. Hairy....evil.....fangs...dangerous.....gotta stay away from them....but at least im no longer afraid of those small spiders. I can hold them too and not feel afraid...errmm k fine just a bit ...do they bite? Ahahah yeah that question always appear in my mind when i handle them. How about the rubber ones? Fuck those stupid stuff ahahaha.....i can hold them like its nothing now! Just as long as i'm aware that its there...then its fine. Nooo don't ever ever ever surprise me with such stuff...coz im reaaally gonna freak out ahaha...soo pllleassse no pranks with spiders? I beeggg you ....just doon't :)

Too bad then.....looks like i can't participate in Fear Factor. Hahahah.....physical challenges are no big deal....jumping off from a helicopter? No problem.....falling from a building? Hell yeahh thats thrilling.....stuck inside a tank with creepy crawlies? NOOOOOOOOOOOO.......i will pull out the white flag before the host even ask me. Wait..you must be wondering...i thought you said..you are not afraid of them if you are aware of their presence? Yesss i did say that......but that's like 1 or 2 duhhh.....there's a lot in the tank! Freaking dissssgusssttinnngg....and hmm thinking of it makes me nervous *looks around to see any movement on the floor ahaah* Yeah sooo no way. Not even for a million dollars! And in Fear Factor there's a Valentine/couple episodes right? Sooo sorryy dear hahaha i can't participate with you in that show......yesss i love you more than anything in the world...im willing to do anything for you but errrr......dealing with bugs is not something i had in mind when i said that hahahaha.....come on im sure there's other more exciting stuff...like jumping into the sea to retrieve your ring.....or climbing a mountain to get you that special flower....yeahhh that im more than happy to do it. With bugs....i really can't darling hahahaha :(

Hey i did say that i just hate that physical contact right? Yep i did. I remembered going to Batu Caves in Malaysia and tried rockclimbing. It's a natural wall so oooh...i love it. While climbing...you have no choice but to put your hands on anything that can give you a firm grip. Eeew..yeah what was i holding on to? Mud? Yucckks..soo soft and ....hmm no i dun wanna describe it hehehe. So i pull myself up...and were eye level with the mud i'm holding to...when i saw something that makes me shift nervously. A dammnn spider! Omg i swear i was freaking out....all i wanted to do was to let go hahaha but hey i climbed so high...letting go would be a waste...what if i wasn't on rope....am i suppose to let go and fall to my death just because i saw a spider? Hahahaha yup i was thinking all of that while lookin at the freakin eight legged monster. And not only that..there were ants too...thats the last thing i wanna hold...a group of ants though i'm not afraid of them. Really really panicking....and i shouted to the belayer below "HEY WTF MAN A DAMN SPIDER....WHAT AM I SUPPOSE TO DO? AND URRGH..THESE HOLES ARE HOME TO BUGS...I DUN WANNA PUT MY FINGERS IN THEM!" Hahahah you can imagine how pathetic i sound back then. I did reach the top in the end...but not before stalling to let the spider move on....and to analyse every single hole or edge im holding on to....just to be sure ahaha.....sighz....

I really cant write anymore. I'm feeling weird...and shifting in my seat right now ahaha....yess yess laugh if you want to..i dun mind :P Nothing can change the fact that i still tiptoe when i move around the kitchen.....and hopping a bit too....hahahah! Get rid of that smirk on your face hehe....wait till they give you nightmares...then you will realise how (fill in the blank with your chosen emotion ) this whole experience is :)

Demystifying The Unclear Emotion

2006-05-05T03:01:00.000+08:00

Jealousy has been something that remain unclear to people. But everyone has experienced it before in their life...may it be over something or someone. If you think jealousy is just one emotion....you are definitely wrong. Something complicated like this is always related to the mixture of feelings....and you may realise that jealousy can turn out to be anything...all depending on how you define your emotions. Sadness, hurt, anxiety, fear, loneliness, paranoia, self-doubt, anger, extreme rage are just some of the feelings that developed from jealousy.

A friend of mine were talking about relationship and all those stuff when we finally came upon the dreaded word..jealousy. How can jealousy occur in a relationship? In this case...my friend relate how a girl got jealous with the relationship between him and another girl. I ask my friend what's the reason for that girl to be jealous and all he can answer is "I dunno". Wtf...this is messy. Without understanding the main concept behind jealousy...i can't help him that much. Jealousy happen for a reason. I'm really sure of that. We can't stop this unpleasant sentiment from occuring, heck we don't even know at times why it just happened. So okay.....Mr Confused here seek my help to answer this problem...whats the cause of it and how to stop it. HEY FUCKER do i look like boy genious? Ahaha no i don't. But if you love my lame theory...sure..i'm more than happy to entertain you with bullshit...acting knowledgeable about it hahaha :P

So here's my explanation asshole. And don't ask me to repeat it again hehe. First stop. Ask yourself. What have you done to trigger the jealousy in her? Don't have to answer ....i know it already. Next...but why would she feel that way? Ahhh..see..answers are unfolding already...haha i can see that. You see my friend...she likes you a lot. I'm in no position to confirm that...but hey...why would she be jealous then? Seems like she likes you a lot..and hmm maybe even more than that. Were you aware of that? From the looks of it...nahhh. Coz if you were aware of it..you wouldn't say "i dunno" for that previous question duh. Hahahaha...fine you don't know anything. So you move on to another girl. Isn't that simple enough? After you move on...haha thats when she gets jealous and it all depend on what kinda feeling is controlling it. But who is to BLAME? Errrr...pal do i have to answer that too? GEEZ i'll make sure you treat me to lunch and dinner for one week.....what do you expect? Free consultation? AHAHAHA RIIGGHHT! Go kiss a camel's ass or something..perhaps i'll change my mind after getting the laugh out of it :P

Ok this is hard to answer. Should you be blamed for being ignorant? Should that girl you're with be blamed? Or should she be blamed? Arrrgghh....i dunno? HAHAHA k2...lemme see....analysing......BINGO! This is what i think though....so don't have to agree with me friend. But the treat is still on though......hehe.....well after much thinking..i came upon the conclusion that she is to be blamed. Yes that jealous girl friend. Why do i say that? Hmmm there's no point getting jealous right? You see....if she has made clear her feelings to you....the jealousy wouldn't happen in the first place.....errr no. But at least that clear her uncertainty....coz if she really declare it to you...that gives you two choice. Either you return the feelings back or sorry..i'm not interested. Haha but thats the good thing....you are aware now...and you don't have to end up hurting her because of your ignorance....she didn't tell you in the first place duh. How would you know that?

Jealousy is a manifestation when it start hurting yourself or others. Isn't that true? I'm sure it is. What? Ohhhh shit...yeah ahaha i almost forgot about your little problem there friend. Well since you know that she is to blame for inflicting this to herself...how can you help her? NAH are you capable of doing that? HAHAHa good question. How can you help when you don't know the true reason behind it? WTF wait a minute....is she really jealous? How do you know? Assumptions? Hints? Whatever.....i'm not interested to know haha. Well since it's jealousy we are talking about...sure i can try to give some solution. FIRST step.....understanding the main problem. That's really really important you know. If i were that girl (I said if....wtf were you thinking hahaha....NO asshole why were you thinking of sex change? DAMMIT!)i would certainly trace it back to the roots. Why am i jealous? Because he is with another girl and not me? But why? Coz i like him soo much? Coz i love him? And dont forget to ask these questions too.....if i really love him...why didn't i tell him in the first place? Why did i shut up and in the end lose out...having to face with this feeling?

The next step is taking a DEEPER look at the real root of the problem: for every jealous feeling there is an emotion lurking behind that is much more significant than the jealousy itself. Jealousy is just the finger pointing at the fears that we are afraid to face. More often than not, the culprit is a feeling of low self-worth and a fear that we are not good enough to hold on to the things that matter most to us.

Got it? Ahahaha that 2nd step....i look for reference and stumble upon this. Yes it is useful..yes it helps....yes now get over it. Girl..i hope you get the point by now. You are to blame. You inflict this to yourself. You made your own choice to get hurt. You can prevent this by ...duh just tell him the truth. What's so hard about that? Rejection? Come on rejection is a common thing. Life is always on a 50/50 basis. Yes or No. Acceptance or Rejection. Pass or Fail. See.....if you tell him at least you still have a chance to get accepted depending on the circumstances....but you didn't even attempt that. You brought this upon yourself....i'm terribly sorry for that.

There you go my friend. Hey dinko! Make that two weeks of lunch and dinner huh? Come on i've given out plenty of answers already...geeezz. If you give me that fucking reason all of my theory are bullshit....fine dude haha you shouldn't have ask me in the first place....and go think of something BETTER than this .... bluek :P

Done with that jerk's problem...i wanna move on ahahaha. The art of drooling...hmmm sounds interesting. Hehehe i'm sure there are a few experts out there :P that can really explain how to do it properly. Let me see...i tried doing that to no avail...coz i can't! AHaha seems like i need to change my mindset....not thinking of drooling would certainly get the opposite result.....and WTF why would i wanna drool? HAHAHAHA omg what was i thinking :)

How about this. Ever tried drooling while french kissing? Hmmmmmmmmm.............ahahaha noooo don't get me wrong! I haven't tried drooling duh...i'm just asking hahah...wonder what it would feel like......reaaallly reaaalllly wet.....goooeeey.....thick........dripping from the side of your mouth..or into the other party's mouth.....EEEEEEEWWWWWWWWWWW sounds disgusting! Urrrghh...dammit.....that's really gross. But if you think thats romantic..sure be my guest...yeah yeah its waayyy romantic to do that..go on...go on try it! Hahaha :)

Should i be the guinea pig and try this out? Hmm...AHAHAHA...."Girls needed for experiment purposes. It's totally safe! But be aware that you need to be really brave and able to handle the situation professionally. Interested? Call DeNiaL for more details. Please be aware that only the best is chosen. Don't feel bad for being rejected...feel LUCKY instead :P")

Ok how is that? Hahaha.....anyone interested now? Don't be shy awww...come on :)

Things to dismiss here

1) Spelling mistakes
2)Grammatical error
3)Inaccuracy of content

Any comments...please make full use of the tagboard provided. Barfing is allowed...no restriction...BARF!

My Appreciation But Not The Least

2006-05-04T04:19:00.000+08:00

14 March 2006. Remember that date? I remember it very clearly....it mean so much to me. Yet another boring session...just about to end my day when i came upon you. Oh well won't hurt if i initiated a conversation before going off...so there i go. The more we talk...the more im into it. Looks like the day is still long.....and i didn't realise for a second there...that it would totally change my life.

I just can't get enough. I look forward to every meeting..excited as to what is going to happen next. Boredom? Nah it doesn't exist in my dictionary when you're around. There's something about you that attract my attention...im totally hooked...and i enjoy it very much haha.

Day by day...week by week. Wow how fast time pass by....and to think i spend time with you everyday...every second was worth it. How about that time we stayed up for hours.....im amazed that we could hold on that long. Our talk was never ending..we have so much to talk about yet so little time hehe. At times i wonder...what is going on? What's happening to my life? No i said..this is my life. My life is build upon you...every breath..every beat of my heart is full of you. I can't stop all these thoughts of you. In fact why should i stop it? Hahaha the first time you appeared in my dream...i get the taste of how sweet a dream could be. Let it go on..please don't stop.....and from then on....i dream of you everyday. :)

From liking to love. An escalation that i never thought would happen. Is it even possible? Only God knows what i'm feeling right now. Even through limitations...i tried my best to show you how much i love you. How genuine it is...i've never felt like this before. You gave me a chance to feel what love is....and now i know how wonderful..how amazing....how transcending it could be beyond galaxy. It's strange...intriguing...but its a fact. There's no denial to it.

I promise myself i would never ever hurt your feelings. Even when sometimes i did that without realising....deep inside my heart would ache. Why do i feel this pain? It's there to remind me to keep my words....coz the pain i suffer is just a tiny fraction of what you suffered if i ever break my promise. And so i did. I tried my best, a human is not perfect,but for your sake i ignore that fact. I tried to be as perfect as i can be. All i care about is you....i want you to be happy always. I'll always be there for you...the up and down i'll go through with you. That will never change.

I'm more than thankful to be with you. Complication arise as i felt hey...this could escalate even higher...but no i landed back to ground coz i know where i stand. Be appreciative of what i already have. This is a gift that i should treasure whole heartedly. Haha let it stay as it is then...i'm already glad that we came a long way. I can never be happier than this.

Thank you God, for letting us cross each other's path. This is the greatest experience one can ever receive, i won't let it go to waste. I'll make sure that i cherish every moment. I feel blessed knowing you, my heart goes out to you. You deserve royal treatment for who you are...my beloved princess. And here i am..your humble knight....always ready to serve and rescue his darling from the devastating menace out there. I'll be the perfect knight you ever want me to be haha :P

********************

Did i mention that barfing is not allowed here? Ahahaha nah just joking barf all you want hehe.
And Nia how could i ever forget you? I treasure you too..you're the best..i feel lucky to have a friend like you. Life is never crappier with you around AHAHAHA nah i didnt mean that :P but its really fun with you around. Yeah yeah i'll play thumb wrestling with you hehe and we can hunt for that damn pigeon that shat on us twice grrrrrr.....get ready some straws eh? We'll show that freaking bird that we aren't easy targets hahaha. What do we look like? A toilet bowl? Hmmph...fine we'll show him what a roasted pigeon look like . AHAHA and yup..you can have that roasted pigeon after that if you want to...i dun mind...or hey just feed it to your hot dude with small balls. Who knows it may fix that ball problem of his hehehehe :P

Lost In Thoughts....

2006-05-03T02:05:00.000+08:00

I'm always lost in thoughts. I can see that. Throughout my day there's always million of things popping up...questioning me......urging me..whatever you wanna define it. I just love the idea of sitting in a quiet corner and let my mind wonder.....seeking for answers and fixing up piece by piece the puzzle in me that is yet to remain solved.

It's been a fact that i think more of others than myself. A friend in trouble? There i go rushing to his aid and fight...not even once stopping to realise the risk that lie behind it....what if i ended up dead instead? What if anything serious happen? Is it worth it?

Not thinking about my safety is one thing. But can i be considered selfish? If i drop dead in a fight in an attempt to save my friend...its honourable? But why didn't i think of my family instead? Even if i don't think of myself...i gotta think..hey my family needs me. I'm the head of the family now...i bear full responsibility. It's my task to support them....its worth repeating topics like this because ideology change as you go through life more deeply. What does that leave me..that i should think for myself too? Coz if i dun..that means im not thinking about others too...see everything starts with yourself. How you treat yourself is how you're gonna treat others without you realising it. Aside from that ...yes life is unfair...even if you treat yourself well....others won't treat you so. Isn't it the same...they did that coz they cant win the battle against their mirror.....

I promise myself i won't go through all of these. Its an intense battle...but thanks to the support all around me...im regaining composure and willing to give it another go. Appreciation......consideration is just something that echo in my head. I admit i sometimes over do it....i tried to be who im not. I tried to think for myself and how did it end up? Ending up in utter failure..coz i suddenly became too selfish instead. How do you balance it? How do you define the midpoint of selfish and thinking for yourself? Using the midpoint formula? Ahahaha....

I feel frustrated hearing all these stories of a girl not appreciated because the guy is just playing around with her feelings. Why am i frustrated? Am i frustrated at myself because i use to do that? Yes looking at my past..i was one horrifying jerk. It use to be the time where what i want is what i get. That girl is sweet...sure i'll try her. Oh wow..how easy is that? Ending up attached and oops....thats all..im no longer interested..its been fun but hey thats it. How many broken hearts have i left behind? Who cares..its not my heart...you're just a toy that i dump back after im bored playing with.

How sick can i get ahaha? Yeah im sick of myself too thinking back. Got a taste of my own medicine when i got dumped instead.....in fact i was used as a hub...no more than that. OMG how brokenhearted i was...how painful that is...and thats the point where i realise....yeah WTF is wrong with me......here's the truth..you're a sick jerk....now you know what they feel huh?

Guilty. Guilty. Guilty. I feel guilty for doing all these. I instantly change myself...i swear to never break another heart. I begin to respect girls...and i look up to them. I know now how valuable they are...how wonderful and and just about everything. It affect me so much that it turn into fear. What if i ended up breaking another heart? I'm scared....its retribution. Break my heart instead....i'll accept it as punishment to what i've done to the rest.

Ahaha as expected...my self confidence drop drastically. I dare not even look at a girl when she walk past...i just keep my head down. I turn into a shy being and let these thoughts take over....im not good enough for you...im ugly..just ignore me......condition worsening.

I rise back a little...ahah yeah thanks again to people who have been there to encourage me. How much i treasure them.....i'll climb this ladder on my own now knowing you are there to support me in case i fall.

Appreciation. Yeah..why do you jerks don't appreciate her? Look how great she is...how you mean so much to her but yet you decided..nah lets go look for something else. Why cant you put yourself in her shoe for a second..what would she feel with you treating her like that. Why don't we put it this way. Wait till you are at the receiving end.....

OoH serve you right BASTARD. UH HUH UH HUH you deserve it HAHAHA. That's all i got to say.....i don't have to feel sorry for your sad state.....coz i don't for myself either when that happened to me.

Change yourself for goodness sake. Mark my words :) it will do you good. But ahaha like people say..good things dont come just like that without a catch. Just as im beginning to learn the true meaning of love...im bounded by limitations. Ahahah yeah no matter how muuuuuccch i love her....there is never gonna be the day where i can take her out on a date and let her see how genuine my heart is. Never gonna be a day where i can live up the dream place with her. Never gonna be the day where i can look into her eyes and confess how much she really mean to me..how much i treasure her...how much i appreciate her.Gone are the days where i can acquire things easily. I abhor that seriously...let all of this be a life lesson for me. Yes i should learn to be happy with what i have now. Coz without you...i will never get that chance.

Nope don't get me wrong...all of these aren't negativity. Its a recap...its a reminder for me. The past has been way twisted....i've gone through much...i am who i am now because of all these. It make me stronger....and how beautiful life is..............

Back To Square One?

2006-05-02T03:22:00.000+08:00

Aww man ahaha i'm out of topics again. Sigh whats up with me hehe .....k2 lets see what happen to me today..then perhaps we can work on something after that.....

Ok so i visited the gym again. Wow this time..its really tiring! I didn't conduct any proper warm ups and ended up straining my arms. Couldn't do much just now...so i sat in a corner and tried some stretching. After that i proceed doing a bit more of routine and i gave up hehe. Off i go with intention to practice drumming but guess what? When i reach that freaking place....it was full. Dammit...all effort and excitement to drum was gone....gone down the drain by the side. Hehe yeah...kinda pissed off..why why must it turn out this way. But hey...i decided to go play pool after that and got caught in the heavy downpour instead. Totally drenched.....from head to toe. Luckily i had a towel with me to dry my hair. Ahaha you should have seen my hair..it was a mess...sigh looks pretty funny. And my T shirt..yeah it look as though its just out from the washing machine. While sitting in the bus all cold..on the way to that pool place...my first daydream come about. Was staring at an empty seat...all lost in thoughts...ahhh...how sweet would that be...when suddenly snap! That moron friend of mine slap my chest ahahah. Motherfucker what was that for. Asshole...

I was distracted alright. I can't even concentrate on the pool game...eventually losing 2-1. K actually i won the the first game..it was a really good game and smooth but i lost it somehow hehe. Just couldn't wait to get out of that place...and that fucker is really irritating..like seriously irritating that i was tempted to let my fist do the answering.

After that we sat outside of the building and he started asking where to go next. It was a damn easy question...off home duh...i would rather be bored at home than here with you ahahaha. But i've never been bored at home though :)

He told me that he's visiting town later on to settle some problem. Yeah right what kinda problem huh....to retrieve back the boxer you left hanging at one of the trees there? So he went on about how he's gonna be settling some problem that belong to his friend....ooh so he's gonna be initiating a peace talk. Wow a dumbass trying to do that.....hehe you can't even peace talk with me and you wanna do that to someone else what a shame.

Heres the story. It seems that his friend (lets call him X) told this moron that someone stole his girlfriend. WTF that sound stupid huh. X said that his girlfriend was forced to be with an NS guy who is 25 year old(like i care whats that "abductor"'s age). So X is not happy...and demanded this to be settled out. So he consulted moron to talk with that NS guy. I dunno the story from NS guy...is he not happy too? None of my business you can die if you want to i dont give a fuck.

Moron suddenly feel scared. NS guy has 4 friends with him making them 5 altogether while the other side only have 3. Ooh so moron was freaking out..what if the peace talk didn't turn out well? What if all 5 wanna start a fight? Heres the fact mr moron. Yeah im sure it wont turn out right coz you suck at peace talk. And the only thing thats gonna save you is being your pathetic self...so that NS guy is gonna think twice of slamming a retard.

Ahh...moron said hey....why don't you back us up? You're strong....getting beaten up is nothing to you....you cant even feel my punches. Ahaha then i said.....yeah coz you're a weakling...you punch like a baby.....even my sister punch harder than you (her volleyball routine really makes her hand strong...so she pack quite a punch). I see......wow arent you people fighters? Come on 5 people....hah i bet you can handle them single handedly. But nah...i told him..just run to the security guard hehe..don't show off your fighter skill..it would scare the hell out of that NS guy and make him wet his pants. Well nah actually i was just steering him away from trouble....it wouldnt be nice getting caught in such a stupid brawl and ending up with a record...and yes you are outnumbered don't be stupid..you're already so weak.

Whats my opinion on all of these? Well X.....why are you making such a big fuss on this matter? NS guy isn't in the wrong. There's NO WAY he can steal your girlfriend. She was forced? HAHAHAHA look pal.....if she really really love you like what you claim....no amount of forcing can make her go to him. Pussy...for that you make everything look as though its a serious matter. Get a life and clean some donkey's butt..its better off doing that.

Haha oh well the story itself makes me bored. Sooo fucking lame.....but i told moron aniwae..yeah if you need my help just press my number i'll be there....as long as you pay for my transportation. What....ahaha there's always a catch huh...i dun do stupid things like beating people up without a reason....and since you need me to do that..might as well you make it up to me.

WAy way bored...i left him behind and boarded the bus back home. Gosh it was sooo cold...shivering once in a while in my seat. I look out of the window....shut my eyes and my mind started wondering again.....how i wish someone can provide me warmth....how i wish you were the one radiating that warmness....i was having a headache too. By the time i open my eyes..i've reached my destination and the headache worsen. The moment i reached home....i head for a shower and swallowed panadol. Lie down watching TV and wtf...i fell asleep....

All i recall was dreaming of someone.....someone is unhappy and mad. That woke me up ahaha and ARRRGGH look at the time! I was feeling rather worried....regretful and angry at myself for sleeping. But phew there.....the medicine to my sickness.....even the worse headache disappear in an instant......how good it feel...

Through borders I've venture
All this while its an adventure
The ups and down that I've to endure
But you're always there to be my cure

The thought of you makes me melt
Melting with the goodness felt
Life's been a bliss
Oh how i wish i could give you a kiss

This journey is full of desire
You've been the one i wanna acquire
Sigh im in sheer dire
Please extinguish this raging fire

So what if im bounded by limitation
I'll still let my heart out to its destination
At times we feel the trepidation
Just let it go through procrastination

If we are destined to be together
I'll make sure that stay forever
Beautiful and pure that flying dove
But nothing is purer than my love

To you and no one else but you...i treasure you a lot....i love you :)

Forgiveness for any grammatical and spelling error (ooh since when has this become a standard ending for my entry ahahah) and have fun people. Thanks for everything.

Singlehood, Attachment And Stuff

2006-05-01T01:26:00.000+08:00

Oooh yeah .....finally a topic that i can blabber on yay! This topic is mainly focused on pros and cons.....and yeah im sure there's plenty to write here. Blabbering activated now! ahaha...

First of all this is mostly dedicated to the 3 elites ahaha.....yeah right on! And the reunion just now..short and sweet. Very memorable...i've never felt happier in my life to be with you people....promise me you'll never forget me hehe....coz i promise myself i would never ever forget you people....

Complication is the best word to describe these kinda thing. Singlehood.....sure its fun. You have all the freedom you want and your life is not tied down to some sort of commitment. Your choices open up...and ahaha hey just have fun choosing whats the best for you. But then again....it became too boring. Too lonely....even with friends around....you somehow wanted more....you want someone to share your feeling with deeply...you have the urge to love..to care....you want a relationship. You start your search for the right one.....and continue looking across the vast ocean...in hope of something promising.........

So you did it..things go well and the next thing you knew....you proceed to the next level...attachment....where commitment suddenly takes place. Were you ready for that? You're in love....you don't feel the burden of it. Ahaha and there you go...spending so much time with your love one that you forget everything and everyone around you. Its a private world that exist only between you too....

Oh well that's just a common scenario. Like i said before things can get pretty bleak if you are single...though bleakness is just a small portion in singlehood life. Why does singlehood stands out? Because it filter out any complications? Because you don't have to think much?

Lets start with being attached. Hmm it seems like you spend a lot of time with that person. You are tied down to commitment...loyalty...but are you ready for that again? Is that person the right one? You see...human really has complex thinking. One moment that person is the perfect one...the next you are gonna stumble with someone else who is even better.....and you feel the pressure...why? Because your mind tell you...settle down with only the best.....but wtf you are already attached now....and all the while you have been loyal...but now you feel that things can get better if you end this current relationship and move on. So that person is no longer your perfect one? Ahahaha hmmm looks like it. Its hard to move about when you are attached coz you are binded by an invisible line that prevent you from doing what you want. You started spending less time with your friends....changed your schedule to spend time with that person thinking how lucky you are to be together only to realise that it just makes thing worse. Honestly...there's unlimited perfect person out there....and you only begin to see the better and better one when you are tied down to a relationship. Realise that? Hahahah i knew it. K when you were single...why didnt you see the perfection in that other person? How the hell did you end up with this current one? And why must this kinda thing only happen when you are attached?

See.....it get twisted. Being single gives you the freedom to choose whats best for you....but you can never find out how perfect that person is. What you assume is perfect will turn out wrong coz when you are finally attached......you started getting new thoughts of how perfect means...and thats why you started seeing that other person as the perfect one. Hehehe sighz...thats reality....nothing good ever end good ahaha....face it its a harsh game out there. And previously i said theres unlimited perfect person out there. Ain't i right? Every other people turn perfect the moment you are attached....isn't that sooo unfair?

How do i put this complex problem into a simple example...hmmm im thinking ...im thinking....ok heres not such a good example but quite close ahaha.....imagine an exam paper. Theres a particular question here that you are confident in answering. (This is the part where you are sure that person is perfect). So you did the question...ahh what a piece of cake.....solving it with what you assume is the best shortcut method ever...genious! (This is the part where you are attached and feeling all lovey dovey and loyal and proud blah blah hehe).But after you hand in the paper...you started wondering....wtf? Did i do it properly? Why was it too easy? Is there a catch there? Did i misread the question? (This is the part....where another person suddenly appear...and this time you are really confused...that person is better than this one!)So you started getting uneasy and something strike down your head. You did the question wrongly! You implemented the wrong method and miscalculated one of the final part! (This is the part..where you finally started feeling the pressure...why why did i end up with this person instead of that perfect one? What can i do now?) So you hit yourself on the head...why am i soo foolish? Why didn't i check my answer properly? Why must this happen after i hand in the paper? Arrrgghh....i cant just grab back my paper and change it.....(Now this is the final part ahaha....you have no other options. You regret(Not really i just put regret in here for fun :P)and you cant just end this relationship coz you are gonna hurt feelings....you are stuck woot....until the point where you actually find out nah...this is the right one ..im just too worried...or suffer in silence...)

Was that easier to understand? Huh? Ahaha yeah i use that term because everyone has taken exams before in the life...and its the best alternative for this kind of stuff that transcend complication. Hehehe...yeah thats more or less like it. So what can we learn from that? Check your answers before handing it in? Hahahah errrmmm or rather don't rush into getting attached....coz you may never know whether it would be right or wrong before going through it over and over again but fuck...you may never know aniwae (Just like exam...how do you make sure that answer is right? You dunno..you just did what you think is right and heck....the only way to confirm is to have the answer script with you which you obviously don't ahahahah bluek :P) So yeah..dont get too stressed..think of it as an exam paper and you will understand it better...and probably ace it heh.

Do you want me to list down the steps? Well heres the advantage of being single..you can prepare yourself more before the examination! Eh? No no i mean for the relationship thingy ahha......so study hard....work out what you actually look for in that person...and start doing revision paper(gosh.....start mixing around to get the idea of whats it gonna be like)and from then on its all up to you. Right or wrong you decide...just don't rush and finally ending up making the wrong choice where its gonna be hard to turn back......be wise.

Im tempted to put it in a mathematical formula whereby you can memorise it and apply whenever necessary AHAHAHAH but nah.....thats lame.......sooo being single is still the best option there. You are at level one so proceed if you want to...no one can stop you from doing that...do that when you are ready though...master all your moves and control so that you wont get stuck later on ;)

Hmm lets proceed with mind boggling stuff...oooh i love this. Just now i ask Iqa to imagine this scenario....

Imagine that you just came back home. You are freaking exhausted..and the bed is whispering from far hehe....and wtf? You heard some activity in the house. Strange! You live there alone! So you quickly open the door and get the shock of your life.....there's a burglar right there in front of you and you caught him red handed......what do you do next?

A)You intervene his activity. Motherfucker how dare you targeted my house! Bloody asshole....you forgot you are tired dammit.....you end up struggling....and wham you either get hurt real bad or worse...dead.

B)You stood there dumbfounded.........run run! So you ran.....there you go again you are fucking tired....how the hell can you withstand that fatigue...burglar caught up with you.....end up struggling and you ended up either badly hurt or dead.

C)So you wanna do the right thing. "Take whatever you want and leave....please don't hurt me!" Hah...you surrender...you are just plain tired and you were aware of your safety. Giving in=ticket to escape anything. Boo...thats wrong! Ahaha by doing that..you showed the burglar your weakness.....so the burglar think hard. "Hell no....by leaving that person alone unharm and running away with this loot....i will be caught that soon...im so in trouble (idiot..you are already in trouble in the first place for ransacking dumbass)and why the fuck should i trust that person? Who cares if you promise you wont call...im not gonna be the bastard who would fall for that...

So he decided to do whats best. Either kill you on the spot or bring you along with him. He dumped you in a secluded place....oh okay held you hostage in an abandoned house....got tired of you (damn...why must i feed this asshole here...so troublesome....and very annoying)Enough is enough......so he ended your miserable life. You're dead....

Ok then hehe....choose the best answer between the three. Don't worry no matter what you choose...you ended up dead aniwae... AHAHAH. Well what you have gone through is a question that has many solution but eventually still lead you to the same answer..a dead end. Its a thinking process that i somehow developed.....which aid me in problem solving. Like duh you might be asking how the hell do i answer that question if everything lead to the same ending? Hmmm think hard people....when there's a will theres a way....(so no will ...no way? hehe)

Sometimes i wonder....why most sayings doesnt make sense. Ok here's one that is common. The grass is always greener on the other side. What does it mean? Hmmm.....for me it means something like cheer up...theres always something better out there than this..or whatever ahaha...your version might be different from mine but thats not the point.

K so lets apply that saying. The grass is always greener on the other side.....but what if two people are standing on both sides? Wouldn't that be funny? Ahaha let this two guy be X and Y. X and Y thinks the grass is always greener on the other side hahaha...so whats so funny about this? You see... X assume so but Y knows better coz he is on the other side...he thinks the side X is on has greener grass...wtf...so both are wrong then? What is the moral of the story then? That whoever came up with this saying should think twice about the depth of the meaning?

Theres many answer to it yeah. Either you don't apply that saying coz you know it doesn't make sense already......you should ignore me coz im lame to come up with thoughts like this hehe :P or.......just be happy with what you have. Think of it this way...the grass on your side is always greener.....you think the other side is greener because you are fucking greedy..ahahaha you cant get enough.....i want more i want more hehehe....so you understand it now? Just stick what what you have....don't envy others for what they have.....coz the reality is they envy you for what you have too......make sense?

Oh ok ok enough already.....tell you what..just shoot me with a good saying and i will try to apply my thinking and twist it in depth hehe....if i can....im not a genious you know...and im not that lame either ahaha. Its a wrap.....and as usual....forgive me for any mistakes...may it be content..grammar or spelling....take care and drink milk everyday! Omg where did that came from.......errrr ignore that...just take care and have fun. Drop in comments via tagboard if you want to. :)

Nothing Much...

2006-04-30T04:03:00.000+08:00

When will the time come......where good ideas finally rain down upon me. I've none at the moment....you see blogging can be hard at times. It sux when you have no absolute idea of what to write.....

But then again...i will still update with something. Ok lemme see.....i will list down what happen today in my life. Geee.....don't start yawning yet..ahaha there there i can see you doing just that...oh come on...bear with me hehe....

I was supposed to be recording My Dream Girl. The thing is...I woke up at 5pm. I'm pissed off ahaha....i couldn't believe it when i look at the clock. 5pm? Is that the damn time? Arrrgghh.....and to make matter worse...i can't record because a friend of my mom is sleeping there.....he fell sick after his performance (he is a singer) so there he was.....i couldn't do anything coz recording would certainly disrupt his sleep.....

So i decided it would be a great idea to go out and hang out with my friend. And off i go....reach my destination at around 19 15 and saw the vocalist and the bassist already seated. Ahaha the first thing they did was to question me. "Did you sleep in the bus just now?" I was curious..so i said hmm no why? Ahaha it turns out my eyes were puffy...and they look tired...so i said nah...i didn't sleep in the bus..the bus sleep in me.. hahaha .....and told them abt waking up at 5pm.

Vocalist: 5 pm ?!?!
Me: Why..whats wrong with that?
Vocalist: Are you a vampire or something?
Me:Hmm if i'm a vampire..i would have suck the blood out of you..but nah...i would rather stick with chilli sauce....

The rest of the conversation is just bullshit ....standard bullshit ahaha. Aniwae they wanted to use Untitled for one of their cover song.....and they said they would credit me for that song when they are performing. Oooh i see....you wanna do business with me eh? Fine i'll dump all my songs to you ppl hehe.....

And blah blah blah blah...the rhythmist (is there such a word? ahaha who cares) came with his girlfriend and sat down. By the way did i mention about my phonecall? Ohh from the looks of it i havent ahaha....well you see everything i do is funny to them..even phonecalls. AHaha k heres the full story...

In the midst of conversation with them...i decided to call one of my band member(my other band). Ahaha most of the time im loud with the phone so i was like...

Me: Hello? HELLO? OI ARE YOU THERE?
Guy:Hello...who is this?
Me: WTF..YOU DUN RECOGNISE MY VOICE?
Guy: Oh yeah..whats up...
Me: Whatever...listen....did you manage to contact that bassist?
Guy: He is unreachable....its hard to contact him...
Me:Freaking bastard...how about the rest of our band members?
Guy:Can't contact them either...
Me: FUCK THEM....so how about the gig?
Guy: I wanna perform but the rest said they are scared....
Me: SCARED? MOTHERFUCKING SHIT! THATS ABSURD! SCREW THEIR FATHER'S HEAD!
(Oops...was kinda pissed off ....so ahaha)
Guy: Its pathetic.....what can we do? Lets start finding new members...this is hopeless
Me: Dammit...its more than hopeless....bastards....wtf is wrong with them....fuckers..shithead...if you find any new members..or a bassist contact me....i dun care...we use to do well with three piece.....you get my point? Adding more people to our band just adds complication. Pussies....
Guy:Ok then i'll try my best...bye...

While i was on the phone...both of my friends were continuously laughing ahaha....the bassist said i sounded more like a loanshark demanding debts to be paid.....and ahaha it was hard being serious when im pissed coz i ended up laughing after that..gosh that was an intense turn joke phonecall. Can you imagine we are gonna separate because majority of my band member have stage fright? Ahahaha no balls......cut them off suckers.....place it at your throat. AHahahah....nah dun worry....when i said screw their father's head....i was laughing after that so that guy know i wasnt serious with it..ahahah....omg yeah indeed its stained with vulgarities and whatever...im aware of that.

Well ahaha yeah laugh ...laugh...enjoy laughing at my antic ahaha....do i look like some kind of entertainer or joker? Hehehe who cares..as long as we have fun together. Things get slightly serious later on when that rhythmist told us theres a gig in the next 2 months. Hmmm and wtf....the drummer is gonna go NS by then! Oh man....we all know that the 2nd vocalist is a drummer too....and i told them..hey he can drum for you people remember....but they weren't exactly confident with him...coz during jamming he kinda freaks out and screwed up most of the songs...he gets nervous even during jamming so they look at me instead.

Me: Hey....what!?
Them: You better practise every song we played...including our originals
Me: What the fuck? Are you serious?

Since the drummer was there....(he just came)

Bassist: Hey teach him the original song next time
Me: ..........gee you want me to drum for you ppl...again? ahh fuck nvm i can do that...hey you remember the chorus?
Drummer: Yeah?
Me: You used my beats didn't you ahaha...you know that one (at this point i was refreshing him with the beat)
Drummer: Oh yeah i changed it and added my stuff
Me: I see but you still implement mine huh...still different from that idea of the lead guitarist...
Vocalist: Yeah it was your beat....at that time when you recommended it you played quite well...but let the drummer teach you the whole song from his perspective.

Wtf.....nvm...not trying to be egoistic or anything there.....that was still my fucking beats. It wasn't a genius or complicated beat..just a simple one that fits in.....but still ahaha its ok i understand....

So there we go.....im gonna be the drummer for that band again. Dammit...give that boy a chance ahaha.....he deserve the drums. I'm sure he can make it.....Hopefully their decision is not confirmed yet.......so likewise i dun have to worry...please please choose him instead....we shall soon find out. Perhaps on Monday then.

Yeah thats the whole story for that hang out part. Hmm do you want me to stop here? Coz if you want me to i'll stop. But nah why should i listen to you ahaha...i wanna continue woot!

Chatting with Nia and Iqa...the two best people around ahaha. Its really fun ya know.......and wtf...we kept talking about shits. AHahaha yeah plain old shits. You see people...there's so much to talk about shit. Be creative ...ahahaha its because we are soo full of shit that we can talk so much about shit. Iqa goes on about her experience with toilets ..more like encounters of those nasty boogers. Ahahah poor Iqa.....really gross but you manage to hold on ahaha....a strong gal indeed....im proud of you *kiss* ahaha :P

And then we go on about childhood where Nia use to play with her shit when she was a kid. Ahahahaha......well i think it's a trend with kids back them.......coz i remember playing with something that i assume is playdoh....but it appeared out of nowhere.....its magical..its really thrilling ahhaa! Well well what can i say..we were kids back then...its just a usual trend that we follow out of curiosity...when i mean kids......more of like a toddler stage....less than 3 years old or so. Ahaha....nah just for information or you would start getting wild thoughts about 12 year old kids playing with their poo poo ahahaha.......

Ahaha yeah Nia im proud of you too...you don't feel uncomfortable talking about something so embarassing hehe...thats why its fun having you there. Iqa you too ahaha *kiss* there you go....

Well we move on to cats. The best thing is each of us has at least a cat. Nia has got two if im not wrong...one fat fucker and one hot dude with small balls. AHAHAha....aww man sorry Nia hehe...ok well isn't it the truth......that hot cat of yours keeps lookin at the mirror and depressed as to why his big round balls turn into small pathetic ones...you think his depression days were long over? Ahaha you may never know Nia...and how about your fat cat there ahaha...yeah my cat is fucking fat too....looks more like a pig hehe.....k2 fine Iqa your cat is the best...soo fit....soo healthy :)

Let me recall again..what did we chat about after that.....ooh yeah about kittens. So i told Nia about my experience with them and something which i cant forgive myself. I was playing hide and seek back then with one of the kitten...and i didnt expect him to hide under the mattress...so i stepped on it....accidentally stepping on it as well. It yelp....so i panicked. What a sight...that kitten.....i stepped on his stomach..and look at the shit that came out from him. I panicked again..
"WTF WTF WTF theres shit on my mattress!!! ARrgghh!!"

AHahaha ok ok before you start saying im mean just like Nia did...nope i was just joking ok. I attend to the kitten first duh.....i was worried about its condition...phew luckily it wasnt that serious. But the mattress........hell no am i cleaning that up so i throw it away with the shit on it.
I told Nia....haha can you imagine those poor sucker that would start blabbering at the sight of a new mattress being dumped..and how stupid people are to throw away new stuff...and pick it up to bring home. Poor them...only i know the reason ahaha....

But instead... Nia came out with her own version. In her version..the person said...poor boy....he cant even control his weak bowels....fuckin shit on the mattress.... AHAHAHA WTF? Why didnt i think of that.......yeah that person will start getting the impression its my shit! DAmmit....hmmm did anyone see me dumping that mattress? Hopefully not hehehehe...so we started every possibilities of covering it up....consequences and being too defensive that will eventually expose yourself. It was really really fun chatting about these kinda stuff.....

Oh well thats just it i guess. I look forward to chatting again.....the two of you always make my day....hmm k2 especially you Iqa yeah how can i ever forget. And wtf..the title says Nothing Much....but this is a freaking long entry ahaha....as usual....forgive me for any spelling or grammatical errors....im too lazy to go through the entry to scan for it......

Boundaries Revisited

2006-04-29T03:10:00.000+08:00

Let me get this straight ahha..nope i won't be talking about boundaries again. Instead i'll talk about methods of bypassing it...hmm....ahaha don't get the wrong idea. I intended to look ahead....this is more of like a futuristic thing....its not impossible but hopefully be available in the near future.

Recently i watch in awe as a computer gets fully controlled with just the mind. Yep...the mind controls every aspect of it..the mouse......the keyboard...and you can draw too ahaha thats way too cool. All you have to do is sit back.....do whatever you want with you hands while you surf the Internet away with your mind typing in the URL and scrolling the scrollbar. I heard its still in the beta stage....and i know what you are thinking..you want one too huh....well i want one too but the point to creating this thing is not to transform us into lazy bums....we have our hands use it to good use. I have a feeling this is created for the physically disabled..especially with their hands....so they can still carry on using a computer like we do.

Well imagine this then.....you controlling the computer while you are still asleep. Let me explain how the technology above works. It captures the signal?frequency?wave? of your brain..coz when you say in your head "move mouse to My Computer" the brain generate a sort of signature for that move .....so all the computer have to do is play some matching game and voila there you have it. But if you are sleeping....you are kinda in a semi conscious state. That means....you are not aware of whats going on (some ppl are different....they are aware at all times even during sleep..so dont try to mess with them ahaha) so you cant use your mind to control it because your thoughts are wondering into an unknown place we call DreamLand. And once again for some ppl....they sleep with a blank mind..no dreams..just blankness...thats perhap caused by the conservation of energy...if you dont sleep enough or well your body cant conserve that much energy to reserve for that DreamLand. No..im not a scientist..thats just my opinion.

So in the future your mind can still control the computer when you are asleep. Imagine that...people won't get tired from hours of chat because their body is in fact in a rest state....yes the mind always work....k brain then....it never stop. Once it stop..ahahah....you know what i mean right. So its operating 24/7 and somehow the technology tap into your awareness state....so that even when you are dreaming....or sleeping whatever you want it....you are still in control! Whats the advantage here? No more complaints of not getting enough sleep and just having fun without draining energy level ahahaha....and that give me a reason to get rid of my nocturnal life woot.

Woah woah hold on. What has this gotta do with boundaries? My friend...the mind has got something to do with boundaries. Or was it limitation? Hey limitation sounds better...ok then limitation.....just ignore boundaries..treat it as a piece of crap there. Wow fucking awesome.....with that technology your mind itself bypassed limitations...like sleep limit fatigue limit blah blah blah blah. What i was really looking for is a technology that can somehow join up my thoughts with another person so we can have the same dream....in fact even better...controlling the dream! So in that dream you can be with that person....think of The Matrix....if you havent watch it ...oh well nvm....you are in another world with that person by just using your mind.....and for geeks ..its better known as Virtual Reality?

Virtual Reality with your dreams of course ahaha. Living that dream...controlling it..interacting with that person as though its real. Ahahaahaha it makes me wonder of the beautiful things i can do......k let me see......i wanna take her out on a date. Voila...we are on top of the hills facing the ocean...with moon and stars...and the light breeze.....all of these happening in my mind! And the mind makes it real...so you can feel everything...the love...the kiss...the touch...you can really feel it. And fuck safety issue ahaha....lets take a chat scene for an example. People can really interact for real....but will still be safe...why? Because its just the mind playing the scene....you are technically still in your bed..chair...hmmm toilet? Ahahah nooo don't chat in the toilet lol...im sure your mind would get distracted to do something else......

Get the main idea now? I know VR is already available....but if you are still unclear abt everything i've written down...heres the explanation. VR works in a concept of tricking your mind...or visually? to make it look as though you are there. But like always you need to be in an aware state...awake state.......all the while i'm talking about VR happening when you are sleeping......to live that repetitive dream of yours.....still dun get it? Arrrggh....im not in the mood to repeat myself....ahaha so if this sound confusing to you...stop! Don't continue reading...it will just make it worse trust me.

The technology itself sounds cool huh? In the near future im positive it would be available....and by that time i suppose ill be using it to relive my teen life...instead of using it for other purposes like chatting or other fantasy (Hmm hmm) stuff....but i can always go out on a date with that someone everyday in a posh restaurant without having to pay a single cent......hehehe :)

Misc

2006-04-28T21:14:00.000+08:00

Ok here is the backtrack for two songs.....untitled and my dream girl. I apologise in advance if the quality sux....i recorded it half asleep :P But aniwae...it still sounds clear....and gosh brrr im too full to write much here. Looks like pizza do really make one full. How much did i eat? Hmm well its not much ...im serious im no pig. Just 1 1/2 box of pizza (2 4 1 Canadian Pizza) so i'll save the other half for later on. Here's the link then...

Untitled Backtrack

http://www.savefile.com/files/9006663

My Dream Girl Backtrack

http://www.savefile.com/files/5544402

If i link the tracks wrongly....sorry for that too. Any problems downloading? Don't worry i can provide you with the tracks using other alternative transfer.

A Bad Moment

2006-04-28T04:37:00.000+08:00

Life has its up and down. At this moment..mine is at the bottom. I didn't realise how one miserable letter could lead to a chain reaction..a series of horror unimaginable. I regret it....sometimes pouring it out to someone just hurts......I didn't mean for it to end up this way...now thanks to me...i deserved to be hated.

A Bad Moment

Why must it end up this way
Why can't life be fairer
If only i was strong enough
To break away from this ordeal

But you were there for me
You pull me out
When i stumbled
Into the dark labyrinth
You lit the path to light
And glory

Without realising
I've hurt your feelings
Suffering from all my negativity
Selfishness let loose without warning
Im terribly terribly sorry

If you hate yourself.....you are only giving people the opportunity to hate you. I learn that the harsh way....i cant control my emotions at times i admit.....that horoscope thingy is damn true. Its just an illusion of me controlling it....when in fact its controlling me. Do i always have to go through the rough path to get to another realisation?

Im ashamed of myself...im ashamed to face the person who has been there for me. I'm a fucking jerk...yes more than that.....what has my problem got to do with people around me? And to make matter worse...it was i who insist that no one can affect your mood and decision other than yourself........why am i not applying that now? I'm fucking hopeless.....who the fuck am i to give advices to people when i cant even advise myself. Terribly sorry......why do i always have to end up hurting people when all i tried to do is to clear it away from me.........something is obviously wrong with me....

Realisation. How many thousand times of realisation do i have to undergo before finally understanding it.........i made a promise myself to never ever let that negativity get in the way coz it will do me harm..it will affect the rest....but wheres the promise now? Where did i stuff it? In my ass? If its in my ass i would feel it alright....so where is it now?

Dammit....why cant i just fucking let it out here in my pathetic blog...rather than complaining ...ooh how miserable my life is...ooh fuck im useless.....oooh i abhor those people......to someone? Oh i see...is it because i feel comfortable that hey....ill let em hear my pathetic little life here? If i was smart enough....i would certainly know saying all these stuff would certainly lead to a bad end...but hell no...im a dumbass alright....

I feel bad....i feel bad that i hold a person up and fill em with all my freakzilla stories. I feel bad that person has to suffer and get pissed off by oooh weak little faggot here who couldnt acknowledge life and its true purpose. Throughout that moment im lost in the sea of darkness...with no absolute direction.....and i was too selfish and too lost to think about what that person is feeling........

It's never too late to change now. But do i have the strength to change? Do i always have to lose a part of me when i do that? Do i have to sacrifice my happiness to make life better?

Why am i stubborn....why cant i even realise that? And what the fuck am i writing? All these makes no sense!

The damage has been done. Negativity took over for a while back then....i lost the battle and it cost me a great deal of loss. Im really sorry....sorry is just a word...its a word thats abused often. I dunno how to make it meaningful..how to make it assuring and i've got a feeling...this entry is making situation far worser. I've hurt too much.....and if there's any reason to look down on me its this. Im scared......im scared to face that person right now......terribly ashamed.....

If a goodbye is meant to take place..........i deserve it....foolish me........

Oh No

2006-04-27T03:25:00.000+08:00

Oh No! Im too lazy to write another entry....seriously theres nothing interesting going on that captured my attention to write or rather bullshit about. See..life is full of shit..(yeah Nia be proud that you are a shitolyte now ahaha)....BUT.....im never lazy to write a song! Ahaha yay....heres my song....its entitled Oh No....yeah ahaha hey the title sounds funny...but what else can i name it......please do shower me with ideas if you have one. My tagboard will be proud to showcase your ideas :D

Oh No

Sitting by the window
Admiring the sky
Imagining that sweet smile
That spread into my mind

Blasting off the radio
And in the nick of time
That favorite song is playing
Slowly stealing away my heart

Oh no
Cant escape that feeling yeah
Oh no
Emotions are stirring
Never once I dream that this could happen
Just dont wake me up
Forever it rings
I love you

Random slides of pictures
Stash in memory
Isn't life so bleak without you
Thats very clear you see

If you recall the moment
Where its only me and you
We stared at each other
Gosh those beautiful eyes
Dancing to the truth

Oh no
Cant escape that feeling yeah
Oh no
Emotions are stirring
Never once I dream that this could happen
Just dont wake me up
Forever it rings
I love you

(I won't let you go)
I love you
(Just to let you know)
Never once I dream that this could happen
Just dont wake me up
Forever it rings
I love you

Okay thats my song..freshly written....and awww man...i forgot about the other song....haha nvm i'll attend to it some other time........as for the tunes....i've worked out the singing part....but the riffs...i dunno this may take time but just enjoy the lyric first ahaha :)

Another Tale From The Heart

2006-04-26T02:37:00.000+08:00

Love is Wisdom in Action. Love is Action and No Action together. Love is All that Is. Love knows nothing but Love. Love transcends Mind. Love is the Inner Substance of Light. Love is an effervescent feeling that seems to escape definition....

I gaze upon the stars and beyond it with you beside me. The shallow breathing...the light breeze..the calm waves that matches the ryhthm of life. Every second it grew colder...i wrap my hands around you to bring in warmth and comfort. I look into your eyes and smile...nothing beats the wonders of nature..nothing beats the beauty that is right here in front of me. I run my fingers down your smooth and delicate cheek..and pull you closer. A kiss to the forehead....and here's my whisper...

You are my heartbeat. You are my life. What would life be without you? Meaningless...there's never a moment that i could stop thinking about you. I cross boundaries...i endure all obstacles just to get to you...whats hardship to me when all i care is to get a glimpse of you?

Never get enough of you. Everyday is just another neverending journey for us as we wonder about with no absolute idea to our mystery destination. What destination? I don't intend for it to end......its the journey that tied my heart to yours. Sweetness of life you say? Yes nothing is sweeter than your lips...you are the sugar dosage for me. I want to hug you and never let go...all i want is that warmth radiating from you....

Addiction...im addicted to you. When you're not around i shiver....i long....i scream (not ice cream :D) for you. I shift in seats...i fidget...i close my eyes and pray....please be there....you're the only one i need the most.....

If you are fated to live up to a certain age...then let us leave the world together...or let me leave one day before you..so i don't have to suffer from missing you....i miss you..i miss you..

What matters.....is this. All i want to say...is i love you very much.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Today is certainly way fun. I've never imagined how much fun life can be when i'm with someone. I've never ever regretted being stuck here all the time. Why should i be regretting? There's more to it than you think it is. Its a dream world.....but its the dream that make everything worthwhile. Please......don't wake me up from this lovely dream......

On A Leash

2006-04-25T05:47:00.000+08:00

Amazing fun day indeed. I love every moment of it. Do you know how much fun a microphone could be if you really make full use of it? Ahaha never mind then i'll leave that to your imagination. Aniwae im here not to talk about microphone..im here to talk about something else.

On a leash. What comes into your mind? Control? Well i've got this idea after watching Danny Boy or something i dunno..the one where it featured Jet Li being used like a dog...obeying his master only after the tag on his neck is released. Its sad...its infuriating...i hate seeing how the treatment goes. But yeah its just a movie...just a movie....

Sometimes i wonder......are we on a leash? Are we being controlled...obeying every word only when told to do so? What do you think? Ok how about this....lets say our parents. They are our masters...and we have no choice but to obey them. Right? We are under their control...we are on a leash. If they say no...it means no to us..like it or not. But is that the correct term to use for our parents? A freaking no....i shouldn't even be talking about this.....but hey...its just something that bug me...sighz..im on a leash? Im being controlled?

Actually no. That stage has passed. I have freedom to do anything now......im no longer on a leash. Hey fuck....saying it in this way seem as though i hate being leashed...being controlled by them. Come on you cannot use the same context as in the movie. Our parents did it because they care..while in the movie ......FUCKING hell they did it for their dirty deeds...using Danny as a tool to kill and treating him like a piece of shit ...no appreciation. Dammit....that movie is really...awakening...

But i bet.....ahahaha k admit it...no matter how much you are being controlled...you still break loose from it at times right? You were just plain fed up....you decided to stand up for yourself and ignore instructions. You were told to stay home but no.....you think thats unfair...you wanna go out and have fun with other dogs.... OMG wait not dogs....i mean friends ahahahah....yeah so you decided to do things your own way.

Is that appropriate? Deciding to do what you want? Without being directed..and only following your heart's desire? Hmmm....i know what you are thinking..that sounds kinda cool....dun wanna be leashed my whole life....hah! What if i put it this way? That you are selfish?

Remember...your parents raised you up like hell...go through all sorts of complication...they watched you grow up and mould you into something thats not a menace to the society. They leashed you to make sure you don't get influenced by stuff thats gonna destroy your life later on......but hahaha you didn't even show appreciation for that. You started having these thoughts that they are a nuisance..a pain in the ass...is that how you treat them after all these while by being rebellious? Being wild? For me..yeah i admit...i've been rebellious...despite being chained ...multi chained.....i still manage to break free and have it my way. But did i even stop to think how disappointed my parents would be? How it would break their heart to see their child.....doing this to them? They have the rights to control you....so that you can contribute to the society as pure being yet us...the fucking assholes decided no....i have a mind of my own..i can think for myself....therefore i have the rights to decide whats best for me.

I agree...sometimes our parents over do it .....they wanna take total control...they want you to lead the path they set without thinking of you. Yep i know....situations like this can't be avoided at times. And like i said..we have minds of our own. So? Stand up for yourself when enough is enough. Being control for the better is okay...we can't deny that..they have rights..but when things get out of hand you gotta ignore and talk to them. Its the only way..the only solution for a looser leash? Free from leash? Ahahah whatever...

Gosh in fact i hate talking about these stuff. Its as though im not appreciating my parents...but thats not the case. Though i have all the freedom i want...i know my limits. Freedom doesn't mean much if you dont put it to good use. And occasional calls from my mom to know where i am late at night is just something to remind me that i shouldn't be taking this freedom for granted. I appreciate her calls....she did that because she care. So what if the leash is gone? I would still do my part to return to my master and heed instruction because its proper. FUCK im not making sense...im confused right now..ahahah...so is it good to be leashed or likewise?

Answer it yourself. Either your parents set waypoints for you...or you set your own waypoints...or they set the waypoints while you do your part following and modifying it later on to suit you better. Which one will you choose?

Thats a wrap....forgive me for any mistakes...whether in content or spelling or whatsoever..i dun care less....and no im not trying to manipulate people into thinking that we are really dogs either....

A Day Late

2006-04-24T03:34:00.000+08:00

A Day Late is a song from the band called Anberlin. Ahaha but no im not talking about them. Im referring to the fact that im a day late in this entry. This happened yesterday...on a Saturday...(yes im writing this on a monday morning..but its still daytime for me remember? Therefore its still Sunday ahah :P)

So i went to a small gig organised by a band who invited us to perform. No i didn't perform but the rest of my band members did. There i was...looking really tired (Thats bcoz its in the afternoon...my sleeping time) even when the performance is going on. Ahaha hey i cant help alright....there's plenty of bands and some are really good. But then something woke me up.....the mosh pit! Woot....so ahaha thats the only stuff that is really enjoyable in a gig.

At first glance...it looks really wild. Like really scary ...you see people pushing each other around....and some were like soo extreme they literally punch anything that comes in their way. Ahaha that was like woah...its not even a fight and there you are using your fist to hit people. But i joined in nevertheless after having fun kicking people (flying kick ahahah what can i say...its fun). So i get into the middle and started pushing people around with my body....ahah but FUCK! No one even push me! Hey....whats the point of a mosh pit if you don't experience getting hit ahaha. K2 i sound like a nutcase....but it was really depressing when i expected a punch or a kick but nothing of that sort happen. Oh man...you people suck......am i like invisible there in the middle? Ahahah yeah i suspected so. For once..i got bored and sat down by the side and watched my band perform while im fighting to stay awake. Hey what do you know .....its my band...i know how they sound like ....ahaha so whats the point of listening to them when you already know the outcome?

They were plenty of short breaks too...so its like the best time to get some sleep but fuck..these people are soo noisy ahaha cant even do that. Then theres this invited band who played Avenged Sevenfold mostly..they are good especially the drummer. He was like Travis Barker..with the hair...the clothing....and his snare is cool too (Yep he set up his own snare and crash). His drumming is wicked...his style...is also undeniable. But hey...ahah who cares...with practice (lotsa practice) i can do that too ahaha. So basically when they played...the mosh pit gets wilder woot! Ahaha this was even rougher...people fall to the ground..get kicked and stepped on...like geee...thats really serious. And I still recall this white guy who join in the mosh pit. He has sharp pointed hair (More like horns) just a typical punk hairsyle.....but when he came out from the pit...it was no longer horns. AHAHAH everything became flat after that AHAHAH that was really amusing. But not only that ...he was limping. Perhaps during the mosh someone really kicked hard (What the fuck..everything was hard ......the kicks..the punches...its like a mini street fight in there)So yeah poor guy. AHaha but i laughed aniwae....getting out from the pit while hurt is one thing....but having your grand pointed hair messed up? AHAHAHA....

In the end....at around 8+ or so the organiser band performed. This time I was right at the front. When the mosh pit started activating again...i had no choice but to be part of it again. AND dammit....people keep ignoring me.....i still can remember vividly i lost my balance but regain it back quickly not because i was pushed..but because i was at the side and pushing people and nearly tripped at the stage. After that little incident ....i went straight to the middle and started pushing. AGAIN no reaction....so i move towards my left in hopes of some kicks or punches but NOOO they cant see me!!! Im totally invisible.. sighz....so I just stood there in the pit....ahahah yep stood there while the rest were jumping and moving about while pushing kicking punching....and still nothing happened! That does it... I hate mosh pits now ahaha....but when it was about to end...i feel someone tugging my hand...(at this point of time i was really annoyed not in the mood) so i freaking slap away the hands and pushed my way out to the back. BOOrrrriiingg....at the back it get worse actually. This stupid friend of mind think it would be a good idea to use my hand to touch some gal's ass.....ahahaha i nearly punched him at that point of time but hmm....i cant say i enjoy it......AHAHAHAHAH no i wasn't enjoying it....or did i? Hmmm.....

After that i had enough. I went out ...sit on the floor and doze off. Thought it was over..until my friend took a picture of me while i was sleeping. AHAha....he told me not to delete it coz it potray an emo boy sleeping....ahah hey get this straight im not emo you moron ahaha. Oh well at least the whole experience was kinda fun..sighz..

I don't even know what to write anymore in this blog. Its like i've run outta idea after going to that gig...ahahah why cant i think of any good topics to blabber on? Im pretty sure im not losing it....just stuck in a path after a dead end....now im finding my way out..so hopefully i can think of something really good to write...other than that nope....ill just finish up my new song in the meantime......

The Nice Guy Excuse

2006-04-22T04:01:00.000+08:00

Before I start...ahah i would love to add some other random stuff. Yesterday Iqa fell asleep in front of her laptop for like 10 minutes or so without realising it. Today...she sure beat her old record hehe. Me and Lita decided to time her at 2 34 am after suspicion arise that she might have doze off again after prolonged silence. So when I'm writing this sentence its 4 02 am. Do the maths...how long has she been sleeping in front of the laptop? Hahaha no worries im sure you are really tired...so don't force yourself to stay awake aight? :) As for me...i lead a nocturnal life...so 4 am to you is 4 pm to me. This is daytime....hehe so theres no way im gonna sleep during "daytime". Oh well lets move on to the main topic then...

The nice guy excuse. What is it about? Its about losers who use that excuse when they get ditched by their girlfriend. So they would go...why...why did she leave me? Because im a nice guy? I hate being a nice guy...i always lose out.....im a loser....

Reality check pal. First...you are right when you said you are a loser. Ahaha theres no doubt about it...clearly written all over your face there. You DONT hate yourself because you are a nice guy...stay that way....you should HATE yourself for being such a sissy...such a fucking loser. Stop using this lame excuse already!

Fine i admit....im one of these losers. I always have this kinda thoughts playing in my mind....i keep telling myself..whats the point of being a nice guy when you don't get appreciated? Shouldn't i just be that bad guy and steal every girl's heart with my "Badness"? So i sit down and think slowly....why is this happening. Then i laughed at myself for being such an immature brat to be using that excuse. Its really weird to finally realise how much of a jerk i am....wow...but at least i have the guts to admit it...not like most of you out there...bastards...at least a thin line separate me for these people.....realisation to the truth behind it.

What does a girl really look forward to in a partner? OK stop being that asshole who says..certainly not nice guy coz we are hated by them. Fuck dude..only a mentally disturbed girl would hate a nice guy. Tell me..which girl doesn't like a nice guy? (Sorry if i am offending those girl who aren't mentally disturbed but hate nice guy.....im not saying you are weird or anything...but oh well stick to your own definitions then) Its the nature of human beings to be attracted to something nice.......ok heres a lame example for me. Which would you prefer....a nice smell of freshly baked cookies or a bad smell of rotting....whatever you want it.....DUH of course they would choose nice right? (Hmm if you choose the 2nd option...i have no comments..seriously)Its the tendency to choose everything nice. So there you go...what other excuses can you fork out to say that girls doesn't like nice guy?

Who to blame then? Blame yourself losers......she ditched you not because you are a nice guy...she did that because of something else. Perhaps you are boring...perhaps you are too undecisive...whatever ok....do a revision of yourself first. Sit down and think like me..why....there must be something in me that cost me this relationship. Be aware of yourself..and improvise it.

Hmm ok let's see what kinda flaws a nice guy have that cause all of these confusion. I got this somewhere from the Internet.....its the point of view of some girl. Lets see what she think....

"When I'm with a guy who is very easy to please, I don't feel a need to take the relationship any further. I don't have an interest in getting dressed up because he's happy regardless, or even do little things for him. Women want somebody they can look up to, someone they have to go out of their way to please. Its intriguing,its fun, it pushes us to be better. Challenges our ideas every once in awhile, you don't have to be an asshole, but if you're so easy to get along with then a woman might feel that you're desperate, and that she can be easily replaced by any girl. If a woman can land a guy with high standards, its like winning the lottery. You're proud to be with the person you're with, you know you fought for them. And you know they must truly look up to you if 'love' wasn't a word that was in their vocabulary before they met you, and now it is."

Gee.....complicated? To a guy yes obviously.. i dun even get it until l really let my mind ponder....i bet when you are a nice guy you are like..hey respect...please them..let them have what they want...blah2. From the first line of that opinion...very easy to please is really deep. You have to get the idea of being really easy=desperate or being really hard=fuck off...you think you are that great ahaha. So you needa know the difference here and judge. How the heck do i showcase that neutrality between this two? You see what that girl is trying to say? She wants you to have opinion of your own....like what suits her and doesn't suit you..you must point out. The way she dress.....point it out to her if it doesn't look nice. Don't be someone that accepts everything..even if it isn't appropriate. Chances are you being the nice "easy to please" guy....you don't really care don't you? How she dress....everything is okay to you...coz you don't give a fuck...you just want to see her naked..and seeing yourself getting laid. Is that it? AHAHAHA come on dont be shy to admit that...Okay2 thats actually the 2nd class of nice guy....they're only putting up a show to get things the way they wanted. So the moral of the story here is......have your own opinion! Have your own say....you don't wanna end up like a mommy's boy....all you do is listen...you don't even stand up for yourself.....you agree to everything she say eventhough you yourself think its ridiculous. Now pal...which girl would wanna stay on with you despite you being so nice? AHAHA...

Is that it? Is that the only thing i can think of? Errr... hey you gotta understand...i'm one of them too...but tell me...were all the losers out there aware of this truth? Why the heck do they give that nice guy excuse if they were? Oh so am i like the only exception here? AHahaha....so yeah im still learning okay...still uncovering all the facts that lead to this confusion. And i lied......in fact there's a lot more to write but i'm just plain lazy ahaha....sorry....and im pretty sure all the answers are in that paragraph of opinion there....so whats the point of continuing? Just like repeating everything in my own words...its a waste of time..and i don't even trust my own words sometimes ahaha...they may goooo way wrong....

Additional Relativity

2006-04-21T01:53:00.000+08:00

Ahaha wow how did i ended up with such a complicated title. No there's no way im gonna write something scientific...no relations to theory of relativity or whatsoever yeah. how the fuck did Additional Relativity comes into place.....hmmm....ahahaha.....

Ok then Lita..as promised here's the characteristics for the month of October. It was given to me by a friend as a reference. After seeing that it kinda turn out accurate for me...i wanna see whether it will turn out to be the same for you too. Here it is then....

October

-Loves to chat
-Loves those who love them
-Loves to take things at the center
-Inner & physical beauty
-Lies but doesn't pretend
-Gets angry often
-Treats friends importantly
-Brave and fearless.
-Always making friends
-Easily hurt but recovers easily
-Daydreamer
-Opinionated
-Does not care to control emotions
-Unpredictable
-Extremely smart but definitely the hottest and sexiest of them all

Yep thats about it I guess. I dunno what you think..perhaps it doesn't fit your description..but whatever it is do give feedbacks yeah? Ahahah no your feedback will really help me to decide whether i should go ahead and study this topic in depth.

Moving on to the next part.....i wanna talk about timing in life. Action leads to consequences (HEY fuck sounds like The Matrix) ahaha but hey its true alright. Well as usual before i actually start on the timing part..i will talk about life. Life is like a multi level maze....every action you take will affect you later on as you advance. And you can never run away from that fact. OK heres a real life example that can explain this theory.

A schoolboy is known for his intelligence and diligence. He always top the class..and constantly gets praises from his teachers and friends. But not everyone enjoy a good life...and due to the fact that his family has problem supporting themselves...he has no choice but to help as well. So he quit school and join in the workforce. His aim now is to provide financial backbone to his family. Yes indeed he's doing well in his job...getting average pay and being of help. His family life improves a bit and he never felt happier. Later on as years developed...he was dismissed from his job despite his diligence. Why? The harshness of reality strikes....his employer decide that hey....screw diligence....im looking for those who have high qualifications. That would be much better wouldn't it?

So what has this got to do with action and consequences? Everything. You see people..like i said making the right action aka decision will affect the consequences later on in life. Yes every single action. From the story..you know that his decision to quit school hit him later on in life. His employer wants high qualification....so he got booted out. See? You just cant escape from that little action there. I know you are saying....he did that to help his family. You know what? Help in the beginning ..burden in the end. Do you get me? I know his intention is good....i can see that. Everyone can. But he adds burden to his family later on..even worser. He hit a dead end my friend. Why? Because without qualification....there's no obvious way he can find a job easily. The only one that the family depend on has failed them. Its all up to him to stay at the dead end..or turn back and try another path.

What if he decided to stick on to the path in the first place? What would happen if he continued schooling? The consequences changes. Exactly! He could have landed a good job with high pay with qualifications. See? Actions......deal with them wisely. And if you didn't notice....time travelling (Yes scientific stuff for a moment now ahaha) follow the same paradox as this one. What if you went back to the past and change something? The final result would totally change right? Or would it still be the same coz (What has happened has happened...you cant change it)? What if someone killed your parents when he went back to the past while you were still present in the present day? Would your family suddenly vanishes in thin air coz you are not suppose to exist? Or would things just go on as per normal coz the path has been etched....you were suppose to exist in the first place...nothing in the past can change that fact?

It's confusing indeed huh? So when you sit down and get those crazy idea like "DAmmit i wish i was able to go back to the past and change my mistakes..my life would have been better") think of the consequences leading to it as well. Which leads us back to that multi level maze. There's so many choices of path ahead...but you can never know what it would turn out to be. A dead end? A never ending twisting and turning? Or a straight path straight to the next level..thus achieving victory in life?

Hey don't stress yourself too much on that ahaha....i wanna move on to timing in life now. Timing is crucial isn't it? The right timing can lead to a better result while....a bad timing can be disastrous. OK you are expecting me to add another example here right..ahaha i bet you do. What kinda example do you prefer? A gore one perhaps? Ahaha nah lets use something else....

Yep i think i've got one. Lets take relationship for example. Timing plays an important role here. Since im a guy (YES I AM...WHAT... YOU DIDNT KNOW THAT? SCREW YOU AHAHA) i'll showcase my point of view. Ok so i really like this girl. She's hot ..she's intelligent..she's everything...just perfect. Got it? K good....so here comes the hard part. How do i escalate the relationship to another level to gain better priviledge? (Gosh is that suppose to be a dirty thought from me? ahahahaha dammit....hey if your thoughts stray for that part congratulation...you are dirty minded too AHAHAHA) Well obviously i would have to confessed my love right? But when? Yes... WHEN. WHEN=TIMING. Doing it too fast will end up in a failure. Why? Coz i will end up freaking her out....she was suppose to feel comfortable with me first...and she doesn't expect things to happen that fast...you needa take it slowly with them. TEEET! (No not tits AHAHA) you failed. Ok how about telling her later on then? Like really later on. TEET! (=P) you failed. Since you were too late..she thought..gosh this guy isn't serious with me....and so she moved on without you realising it. So what did you learn from that? Timing is everything huh? The right timing could have ended up with us as a couple and with me gaining some priviledge uh hum....Hey what were you thinking? Keep that thought will ya bluek =P

Sighz ok then time to wrap this up. This is just a reference for you....don't actually go and ponder about it that much. Remember...life is too short....theres no point wasting it away thinking of the logic and complications behind it. Lead you life well..enjoy and be wise with any decision you make. :)

Astrology Anyone?

2006-04-20T06:44:00.000+08:00

Do you believe in your horoscope? Do you believe that your star sign is somehow responsible for how your characteristics are formed?

It's an enigma indeed. Some people believe that these stuff are just concocted bullshit. Full of nonsense...doesn't make sense and doesn't apply to their daily life. I confess that i'm one of them. I firmly believe there is no reason or whatsoever that a star sign determine how your life goes about...how you affect people around you and vice versa. What? Am i not right? The star is the director..and you are just the actors and actresses in a movie? The star is directing and telling you how you should lead that character?

Ahaha ok that's just one of my down to earth opinion. But sometimes you have to let loose...let your mind wander about of the possibilities....giving it a chance to unfold right in front of you so that you can judge it differently with the evidence given. And yes that happen to me as well
ahaha....

What triggered the change in my opinion is the accuracy of description for the month of my existence in Earth. At first when i was told to review the description....i was like wtf..this is plain stupid....but i read it aniwae only to be amazed...every single characteristics turn out to be true for me! Its like...you are looking in a mirror and right in front of you..every single detail unfold just like that. So there i was.......wondering how the heck did it happen? Why? How?

The only solution is to search for answers. Feed myself with more information on this topic and try to explain the concept. Huh? Yeah? No...i don't have the answer right now ahaha....

OK whatever it is...that piece of description really changed my perspective of this topic.No i don't think its that much of a bullshit now thank you for reminding that.In fact...its intriguing....hey fuck i really wanna know more!!

Ahaha i bet you thought my post would be over from that last paragraph. Bluek =P that was just an introduction :) Now i shall move on the real deal...hmm what was it again? Errmm.....oh yeah...its suppose to be about.....OK fine its just an extension to the wonders of astrology. Now now don't get bored with me.. Breath in..breath out ...thats it don't fall asleep.......

Feel better? Good....I shall focus on three main stars here. Gemini, Libra and Scorpio. What about them? Nothing much...just some significance..how it affect your love life and stuff. But first of all..let me summarise the supposedly characteristics for those born in June hehe...

-Intellectual, nervous and adaptable-Strong desire to communicate
-Natural speed for life’s experiences makes you impatient and nervous
-Curious by nature and are always questioning
-Boredom is your worse enemy
-Telling jokes is also a part of your mental agility

Now for those born in October...

-Strongly motivated by a desire for justice
-Possess a strong psychological aptitude
-A philosopher and a great teacher
-YaDaDAdAdADadaDAda

Ahaha no..the 4th point is just an indication that there's too much to fit in here....so i'll skip. In fact these are just SOME of the basic idea...and if you are interested to find out more...go search for it. Don't be lazy and expect me to link you up from here ahaha :P

Now you can curse me. I was suppose to write about the three stars! Ahahaha....yeah sure sure I will write about them now....

As usual I will write about Gemini (ahah priorities people.. :)). And by the way Im only gonna focus on how the stars affect your love life or whatever that suits you. Gemini is an Air element...so think. What is it compatible with? Scanning...scanning...FOUND! Let's try matching it with Libra...an air element too! Oooh interesting..ahahaha.....yes? Oh you're asking me why i choose Libra huh? Why? Can't I? Its my write up... I decide what to do..ahaha bluek =P Hmm the result..is pretty good (YAY!). Im sure you are dying to know why they are compatible. Here's the explanation. You see...both of these stars that represent the person are social creatures who thrive on interaction with people. Libra especially..is very considerate and
has a strong desire to please Gemini or any other partner and will compromise readily. So this Libra here can fit in into any situation...and this match is likely to be a very egalitarian one. Interesting theory isn't it? Yep i know..if that thing is positive im sure gonna love it ahaha ;)

Now Scorpio. It is a water element...and ok.....you wanna do a matching up this time round? (Did you know i lie about focusing on the love life part? I only fit that in for some particular reason ahaha :P). That means im not really focusing on the love life for scorpio right now.Characteristics anione? Scorpio bonds deeply and becomes very attached to close people...and oohh..especially lovers..ahhh. (Perhaps im confusing myself..im still focusing about love life...but its the skipping of matching the stars together for Scorpio...ahaha yeah now that make sense)K2 sorry about that. Wait..give me a sec...let me try to do a match up with Gemini as normal friends. Hmm...it looks like..Scorpio would think that Gemini is superficial,evasive,childish and not serious enough while Gemini may feel that Scorpio is too heavy,intense,demanding and insatiable. Huh? does that fit in as friends or lovers? Arrgggh apologies im still new to this topic ahaha so mistakes are nothing but a step to perfecting it. Okay...moving on....Scorpio thrives on intensive, direct experiences and is best suited to a life style that involves direct, non-vicarious, instinctive or natural kind. Is that true? Hey don't ask me i dunno ahaha..

So thats just about it actually.Like i said im new to this topic..and i needa get more information about it before trying to explain it properly.At first glance YEP IT IS BORING..but wait till it really play a part in your life...and im sure you would wanna find out more. With the accuracy of
characteristics charting there.....will your opinion change? Will you let it rule your life now? Ok in here my opinion counts right...so here's what i really think. Believe is something that resides in you..you can remove it at will if you want to. After going through all this..my view is somehow
neutral. Yes.. no matter how true it is....i'll just treat it as a reference..coz you may never know...life is full of randomness...it doesn't just follow a charted path....and aniwae those stars are just there to guide you to be aware of your inner self.....

Omg....is this write up too long winded? AHahaha im sure it is. Oh well before i wrap this up...a million apologies if i made you fall asleep from reading all these. Please don't mind any spelling errors...grammatical etc....coz i dun wanna suffer reading through it again to change any
mistakes AHAHAHA. Credit goes to Iqa for giving me the idea for this vast topic....and honestly all i care about in this write up is the fact that gemini and libra makes a good match WOOT!!! Ahahahaa yeah whatever..dun mind me now..writing something long like this really can distort you a bit...and now my mind wonder again..how those writer deal with the pressure of writing
a freaking thick book.....hmmm.......

Friends

2006-04-19T01:36:00.000+08:00

Everyone has friends. (Yeah sorry im just saying this is favor of the majority...those who doesn't have friends....just ignore the first part :P).What are friends for? Do we need them? Whats the priority level for them?

Friends. What are they for? Apart from your family....friends are the only one that you can open up with. They are the group of people that you can have fun...do common stuff and whatever you can imagine doing. Yes..you can do all of these with your own family...but would it be the same? No......

For a reason...you feel more comfortable with a friend. Mostly..you are around the same age with them...you are experiencing everything together with them as you grow. You can relate to them awful stuff without feeling awkward about it. (Eg...you just dont go to your dad or mom and say "Hey gosh today was awesome..i fucked this whore"). I bet you wont do that huh..even if your parents are open minded people. You feel more comfortable saying those to your friends. And conversations.....with your parents there is a thing call respect....you don't talk to them like you would to a friend. What does that mean? One thing that separates the talk is formality.....with friends you loosen up...you talk with them very casually...and you can curse all you want with them ahaha..but with your parents? Nah..... (Kids dont try this at home..even if you plan on experimenting). Getting the thrills....the excitement...with friends you can get all these. Fancy exploring a haunted mansion? You do that with them dont you.. and not your parents. What would your parents think? Its a bad idea...what do you think you are doing? What is wrong with you? Be sensible young man! Yadadadadadadadada..whaaa...its over already? Ahaha...yeah thats also something to take note of. With your pals...all of you have the same idea..same concept ..same interest ...same thirst for the thrill. To you ppl..exploring that haunted mansion is wayyy interesting. But parents? NOO its too dangerous..what if you hurt yourself? What if you are trespassing? They are sensible.....Tooo sensible ...thats why. (No i didnt say that when you are with friends you are not sensible :P)

And emotion wise....you can always pour out to your friends. You can speak like .....fucking shit...that bloody bugger is freakin way out of his mind.....who does he think he is ? Screw him dude.......beat the hell out of em! Fucking assholes...die!!! GO TO HELL!! (Now what would your friend reaction be? Ahaha..... something like..... Yeah i totally agreee ...dude that guy..we really needa teach him a good lesson...hes a moron alright....i've deal with him before..piece of cake..lets try it again on him...ahaha remember that time i trip him in the toilet? That was wicked!!!)

Was that a good example? NO it wasnt....your friend were suppose to cool you down..bring you back to senses but he didn't do that. Instead he lit the bonfire in you..ahahaha. Ok what would your parent say to you then? Hmm.....YOUNG MAN...MIND YOUR LANGUAGE! DID WE TAUGHT YOU TO TALK LIKE THAT WITH US? WHERE IS YOUR MANNERS? FROM NOW ON YOU ARE GROUNDED! GROUNDED! (ahah rrright grounded...or the most common one..a good beating up ahaha)

Moving on to priority level. Whatever it is.....your family is always the main priority. GET THAT in your head! NO matter how great your friends are.....nothing beats family. Family first...friends later....remember that without your parents...there wont be you. Friends come and go...but do parents? LIKE NO DUH........unless you think of it that way..i dunno up to you..im just trying to say whats right here.

I know i know...sometimes we get too hooked up with friends that our relationship with family falls apart. As in...you spend your whole day out ....and treating your house like a hotel. You rarely speak with your family...(remember you are seldom at home). You changed the order of priority......thats the first mistake. Here comes the next part. Are your friends a good or bad influence? From the look of it....we just dunno. Sometimes thats how things work. To others they are bad..to you ...NAH..whats so bad about them? Your thirst for thrill and fun blinded your judgement. That sux......and take note too. Good friends are those that will never let all these scenarios on top happen. They remind you that family is the most important thing of all. And they won't go out often too coz they know how to draw the line between quality time with family and friends.

Ahahah...yeah then you started thinking......thats BORING!!! I wanna have fun everyday....meet up with my friends....do all those lame stuff...whatever.....from here on...you really needa wake up ppl. Boredom exist ..you cant deny that ....but boredom can be removed not only by means of friends yeah? Go on...give yourself a moment to think about it....

Done? No? Too slow...im moving on........do we need friends? Ok fine after all my blabbering here..what do you think? Hey i dunno what you think..everyone has different perspective of it. And it depends on what kinda friends you've got. Ok for me....yes friends are necessarily....im referring to the good ones aniwae...(hmmm do i have good friends? Errrr.......)Positive influence from your friends is an indication that you should make them a resonance to your life. They are the bunch of people who can really help you get on the right track and support you ....other than your family of course. As in my case.....ok nvm think of it this way...is your friend more of a hindrance than fun? Are they constantly giving you problems...placing you in a situation where problems never cease? Yeah are they trouble makers? You find it fun...but sometimes you think they are way beyond limit. Here's the solution. Throw them away..ditch them. Rid them off your life.....i would rather be a loner than have friends like these. (Only applicable to negative influence...lameness doesn't count in here :D)

Sighz i could go on and on...on and on....about friends. What kinda impact i felt when im with them.....how they influence me...how i feel....and yes im writing through experience.....everything here that i wrote happened in my life. Want me to go on then? Nah I bet you are yawning already till this point of reading. And yes i will wrap up this post with a shibboleth that i mentioned somewhere back then......

"Friends come and go". Be wise when you choose your friends...and sort out your priorities if you getting out of track.....Nothing else is more important than your family....

Random

2006-04-18T21:43:00.002+08:00

Here's two random stuff that i feel like writing in my blog...hmmmm....no you don't have to tell me what you think of it :P

Who Am I

Who am i?
Just someone who reserved a room in his heart just for you.

Who am i?
Just someone who value the memories of the time he spend with you.

Wonder how life will turn out without you....

Untitled

It's not that easy to pour my heart out

Like always i fail to find the right time
Over and over again i tried to restrain myself
Virtually keeping it a secret but...
Eventually i confessed my feelings

Ultimately for you!

Yes both of these are written by me.......hope you like it ahaha :)

Yet More Complications Arise

2006-04-18T16:41:00.000+08:00

I slept with my guitar ...again..for the second time. But the only difference this time....falling asleep while holding the guitar in a certain position...waking up to realise its still in the same position. Ahah i was thinking...wow did my hands actually hold on to the guitar throughout? And for the rest of the hours i continued holding the guitar ( I dunno why..i could have put it away beside me or something but no...i was feeling too lazy to do that ...so keep on holding ahaha).

My aim here is to record an acoustic version of My Dream Girl. Just like the previous Untitled...but this time i dunno why its complicated to record. The previous Untitled project was a breeze (errr actually no...i screwed up a lot of times ...took me a few hours just to get right). While doing a test record just now...i noticed that some sort of noise can be heard...its too conspicous. I didn't face that kinda problem with Untitled...and i dunno why it must happen this time round. I don't have the luxury of a recording room mind you....so i have to deal with microphones to record..which is a pain in the ass. Ahaha......

Not only that....the intro part to the song is damn hard to play. It really irks me...why the heck can't i play it properly without screwing up in the last minute. I created that tune..yet i cant play it at normal speed (actually i played it above normal speed coz it sounds nicer). Im done with the chorus too..so everything is there already..the lyric...the tune.....the whole song is by right completed. And then comes the freakin hard recording task. Ahaha when you are away from the microphone...you played the guitar really well...but in front of it......you begin to screw up. Why? I have no idea why...its really annoying. And also..i noticed that there's something wrong with my voice...i cant tune it the way i sing Untitled for this song. Weird........but no matter what these setbacks are just a reminder that nothing is easy in life. And guess what? Instead of giving up..i've decided to give it my best shot...nope no way am i losing out to these problems. Life is full of problem solving...face your problem up close or turn into a coward who hide in a corner...trying to escape from their problems. Dinkos.. ahaha..in fact i realise that the setbacks acts as something to push me...push me to train harder......to make me a better guitar player...and a better vocal (Duh ahahah...better vocal? Gotta be joking...)

Hmm theres nothing much to write for now...this is just one of those post that serve as updates to whats happening. Perhaps later...i'll do some neat write up.... :)

Issues With HabboHotel

2006-04-18T04:53:00.001+08:00

I've learn to appreciate the art of magic. The deception involves in it to awe people...just excites me ahaha. Understanding how a human being react to such illusion is just ...priceless. Beyond words...

Thats not the point of this post. Ahaha...got sidetracked a bit there sorry...here i am trying to voice out the issues with habbohotel. What about it? Why waste time to even talk about it?

Why waste time talking about it? I spend most of my time there....so wasting time talking about is not much of an issue to me. What about it? Ok i can't really say what about it..its more of like a why the existence of it?

Habbohotel exist in the first place to replace the usual boring plain old text chat. Don't you find chatting just like that boring? Its like way uninteresting...you are just dealing with a white box...and LOADS of text in front of you. But in Habbohotel..no....you chat as a person...with the availability of characters to potray your image....and you can wander anywhere you want (hmm k im exaggerating..NOT anywhere :P). Its up to your imagination where you wanna chat...how you set up the atmosphere..and when you do those smileys..it shows on your character. That's what makes Habbohotel a unique environment for chatting. Its all about interaction.....it makes you more alive (as in it gives you more options to express yourself..rather than just words).

Remember....Habbohotel serves one main purpose....making friends. Expanding your social life...even if its limited online and understanding the different characters around you. I find it as a learning experience...you really can meet a lot of people which you just cant imagine meeting outside. In here...people loosen up because they are safeguarded by the fact that everything is secure..the boundary is there to protect them. Which comes to the first issue......

DESPITE knowing the fact that habbo itself is a chatting environment...ppl still bug for emails....msn. Msn......whats the point of asking their msn? Doesn't it come to the same thing? You are still CHATTING......even without msn you have been chatting all along in Habbo. Ok people come up with reasons like.....in msn you get to know each other better coz its one on one interaction. AHAHAHAHAHAH thats a lame excuse pal..seriously. Since when cant you get one on one interaction in Habbo? Just get a room....put a password to it and there you go. ALL THE ONE ON ONE INTERACTION YOU CAN EVER HAVE. Hmm what other reasons can i bring up....plenty but hey .....whats the point of going through all of it....the main thing is...when you are in Habbo THERES NO NEED TO ASK FOR MSN. Not only are you annoying...you are breaking the Habbo Way...as in respect people's decision in concealing their information. HAH...i bet you are saying....that is if i ask ...what if i give them my msn instead? LIKE DUH WHICH PART OF IT DUN YOU UNDERSTAND....dun ever reveal your personal information..or ask another for their info.....you cant read that part? Sad....... and fuck habbo way aniwae ahaha.....people who follow it are deem to turn into wackos by the end of the day..and fuck the moderators too for not handling matters the right way. Im ashamed of you people..... : D

Ok here comes the most serious issue. Racism. Intolerance to people from other races. OMG isnt this a FUCKIN BIG PROBLEM in society? In real life you've seen it all..... BUT IN HABBO? GOSH PEOPLE DO YOU HAVE TO TURN A FUN ENVIRONMENT INTO SOMETHING AS EDGY AS THIS?

Well if you people still don't get it.....in Habbo.....we exist without a race or status. Everyone is EQUAL ...yes E Q U A L as in eeeee kooooo wwwaaaallllllll. We judge people by their personality...how they present themselves. Does it matter so much that you have to ignore ...or criticize people from other races? PEOPLE.....wake up.........and if you didnt get me ...WE ARE EQUAL in habbo.....follow by it...... and if you are a Singaporean shame on yourself....didn't you get that pledge etched in your mind? "REGARDLESS OF RACE LANGUAGE OR RELIGION". There..when you say the pledge did you skip that line? From the looks of it yeah i guess so....or perhaps you are just plain stupid to understand what that means. No offense.....but this is a serious issue here.

And stop being childish either. OK what i really mean is being those LAME BASTARDS that comes in just to stir up a fight. AND DRAGGING IT OUTSIDE? LIKE WTF? KILL YOURSELF PEOPLE...you give that shitty attitude...acting tough and all...while at the same time mocking people....saying they're acting tough instead... get a life. You're just a shindig.....and if you are really that fierce and stuff...being soo powerful pussies.....you dont have to end up in Habbohotel in the first place scumbags..im sure your social status is far too important to even attend to this chat environment.

Get this straight. Why do you have to drag arguments outside? What are you trying to do? Proving how macho you are? Dude...get a diaper..put it on..suck your thumbs by the side and call for mummy. Knock your head several times and think. If that person agrees and he's got backup of like 500 people behind him..what are you gonna do? And you....you talk shit about fighting alone.......and you cant accept the fact that your culture has just been criticised....you bullshit about how you would beat people up outside if they were to do the same. EXACTLY PUNK! You apply that to your real life dinko........so when you treat it seriously in Habbo..its your real life??? Get a life then...

Criticism....its common alright. In this kinda situation...they do it as entertainment to amuse themselves. They are bored ...and they started doing it for the fun of it. They act like innocent parties..but when denied they turn into freaking whores who criticize more than they could stuff a dick in whole. (AHHH CRAP I DIDN'T MEAN FOR IT TO TURN DIRTY....APOLOGIES :) )

So how do you handle them. AHAHAHA its easy. Why cant you people just realise the point of the criticism. They are AMUSING themselves. IF you get affected by them..and you started showing your unhappiness and WHAtever shit you wanna come up with.....they succeeded in getting that piece of amusement. Wow bravo to you then...coz you've just make a fool of yourself. So learn to ignore...learn to accept their criticism like its nothing more than a compliment. Words here doesn't affect you ....think of it that way.....let them blabber about their motherfuckin whore tale about you...just accept it with a smile. Play along...like really? Wow didn't notice that..i guess so then ahahah . AS SiMPLE as that....when they get sick and tired of failing..they leave you. Hooray...victory for you. And not that much effort right?

I didn't intend the post to go like this in fact ahaha. Here i am trying to be serious with issues thats bugging me....but in the end i stray .....as usual. HEY wait a min....aint i still on the right track? Criticism is still considered an issue right? YEah it sure is ......

Heres a tip. Abnegation. Abnegation of your temper. Neutrality.Treat an argument as a neutral chat.Shindig.Don't be one.I MEAN IT. Salubrious. Always be salubrious.Perplexing.No i dont really mean to make it perplexing for you.

And last but not least....DONT GIVE A DAMN ABT ALL THESE BULLSHIT! Ahaha just be yourself (minus your ego+temper). Have fun and remember...too much serenity and peace in Habbo can cause boredom. Its these random people that provide you with ACTION. Deal with them the right way...i can assure you everything will turn out just fine. Oh well the least you can expect is a ban.....(COZ THESE MODS ARE SO FULL OF THEMSELVES..SHOVE THEM UP THE ASS AND TO HELL WITH THEM) and thats about it :)

A Serious Problem Underestimated

2006-04-17T01:52:00.000+08:00

It keeps haunting me. Its getting really serious. I really needa solve this problem fast. But isn't that the main problem too? I JUST DUNNO HOW......its bugging me...its stressing me out.....

This problem is no new one. Its an old problem that remain unsolved for years. Its there to stay...and it wont go. Why? Like i said i just dunno how to deal with it. I cant remove that problem from my life..

What is this problem? Ahaha whatever it is ...its affecting my self esteem real bad. K let me get to the root of this problem. I suspect that im a schizophrenic. Seriously i think that might be the truth. Ahaha why? Coz i have voices ...or more like thoughts that keep whispering to me.....all of them are negative thoughts. Yep im not joking..its the truth.

Let me relate to you why i think so. Even with friends...i feel uncomfortable. In my head...it says that im nothing but a strain to their eyes....Im not needed and i serve no purpose. Im just an extra there....they dont need me . In fact i feel used. How do you explain certain events like....not contacting me when they go out? While they have fun out there....im left to rot at home ...unaware of their outings. While it seems normal when i meet them...when they bring events up like "Hey remember that time when we did something at Esplanade on Thursday?" I feel confused. Why didn't i know these stuff? How come i wasn't there with you guys? So i played along..and as always they give the same old fucking reason....we thought of asking you to come along..but we also thought you might not be interested. WHAT THE FUCK??? WHAT KIND OF EXCUSE IS THAT?

But half of the time I tried to dismiss these negative thoughts. I know that's not the case...i mean i know my friends aren't like that but these negativity keeps forcing me to think likewise. Like right now in fact. I keep thinking...FUCK OFF YOU GUYS DON't NEED ME RIGHT? ISNT THAT CONSPICUOUS? KEEPING ME UNINFORMED OF ALL THE STUFF GOING ON?

Look at this serious problem im facing...i just cant seem to think straight with all these battle between truth and opinion going on in my head...which one is right? HOW THE FUCK AM I SUPPOSE TO KNOW WHICH IS THE FREAKIN TRUTH?

Not only that..its affecting my self esteem too. Like when i go out....i always wanna admire the girls around me. But i just cant. Heck i cant even face them! I cant even keep my head up to look! Do you wanna know why? Coz the voice in my head tell me....Fuck off...you thought you are that hot huh? Look in the mirror asshole...theres no way they are gonna be interested in you jerk.....

So it really did affect me. I really listened to that voice...that explains why i keep my head down while walking....why i dun talk much when im around girls. Yes another voice will pop up....Keep your thoughts to yourself lamer...you think you are cool huh...don't talk..you are only gonna make a fool of yourself.....you will only screw things up....

Why me...why do i have to end up like this....its getting really irritating. Only at times when i drowned the other side of me......thats the time where i can really face the world. Where i can really be myself. My real me.

My voice sucks....im not good looking..im a jerk....i screwed up all the times...im being used...im an asshole....i dun deserve to face people....people hate me.....they don't need me....im stupid....i dun deserve to live.......(If you noticed me conversing like this...you are not conversing with the real me...you are conversing with the other half of me ... NO IM NOT JOKING DAMMIT ahah)

The real me actually....contains all of that too. But only mild ones. That means i don't think too bad of myself. I think semi positively ...but more positive inclined of course. Isn't my suspicion of being schizophrenic accurate? Looks like it hmmm........wow im a schizophrenic for real...impressive...ahahaha.

That feels good. It feels good to let it all out......but no matter what..this problem remains unsolved...someone please give me a solution if you do have any....otherwise..it would just keep coming back...coming back...its always lurking ya know...trying to catch me off guard...ahaha....

Ego Part 2

2006-04-16T17:22:00.000+08:00

Ok why do i even wanna continue my ego post? Im not sure myself. Its just that in the previous post i was pissed off with those egoistic people. Now? For now i'm gonna write down the ego side of me.

But first of all i wanna write about events that happened the moment i woke up from sleep. Well the dreams continued as usual...cant keep you out of my head....so as usual i turned on my laptop to get started with some stuff. And behold....the first problem arise. It seems that..... MY BLOODY MOUSE IS NOT WORKING? OMG WTF IS WRONG WITH THIS PIECE OF CRAP? Fine laugh at me for getting pissed off by a stupid mouse. Well you wouldn't know what it feel like to face complications the moment you wake up. You get into fits...ahahaha rrright...I was like cursing aloud. I started finding faults with my sister coz she was the last user using the mouse. But i stopped the accusation. Why? Coz its not worth it....you see i always find fault with others when something is not working.....no this happened only at home. My sister is my main target usually...ahahah sorry yeah sister....im just stressed with the fact that everything is failing for me. WHHHYYY???? So i decided to shut the fuck up and proceed to the toilet. What for? Just to let out my frustration ahahha...punched the wall so hard that my fist turn red. Even now yes....after that i take a deep breath and proceeded to troubleshoot the mouse problem.

Wow...that fucking mouse still isn't working? There i was getting worked up again.....but yeah patience.......so i abandoned that mouse and plug in another mouse. Its working now.....but sad to say that was my favorite mouse.......and now its officially dead....i'll deal with the funerals later :P

Ok lets get back to track. What did i intend to write just now ? Errr....oh yeah about my cute ego that exist in me. Well i've overcome it of course.....but here i go recalling the past...

Its strange actually. My ego works in a way that I'm not even aware of it....Ok here is what happened. I use to be an avid skateboarder...skateboarding everyday. It was my life....i just cant stop. And glad to say...skateboarding helps in a sense that i made a lot of new friends. I mean lotsa friends yeah in an instant. I skated with them everyday....and thats when my ego started showing without me realising it. You know that skateboarding is a sport whereby you improvise yourself to learn new tricks. And execution is vital part of it. So whenever i see a fellow skateboarder executing for eg a kickflip....i always say to myself....nah i can do better than that. So i always ended up "burning " their tricks...as in nailing it far more better than that. As you can see from here this is in fact my little ego acting up. I always think im better than everyone else...and whatever they are doing..i can do it way way better. It happen always....but one day a fellow confront me. He said that the guy i kept "burning" isn't happy with what im doing. At first i was like WTF? Why do you think im "burning" him? Dude i skated the way it is. (Ahaha sad....i was still arguing despite knowing that it was right all along). As time goes by I got awakened by the truth. OMG yes i've been doing that all along! Why? To prevent any loss of friendship (he was starting to get annoyed and hating me) I talked with him about the matter and apologise. Yes straight forward apologies. (There goes my self pride ahahah)

See? I didn't even realise what i was doing. I've overcome it of course....i started being careful when im around friends....i've turn into a humble piece of shit now......But hold on! It looks like my ego is acting up again sometimes despite the ability to control it......i bet you know what i'm talking about iqa......remember the time when i said i dont give a fuck about these people...i don't care whether they're gonna surround me and beat the hell out of me...i can always fight back? That is a sign of my ego. (I dont give a fuck about what others think..i just care about myself...and im always a better fighter than all those jerks). And ahahah i didn't realise i was potraying my little ego at that time... a million apologies.

Oh well these kind of stuff can be really unpredictable.....but now that I've actually realise it...its time to take action and change the way it works. I don't care how its done (OMG WAS THAT MY EGO SHOWING UP AGAIN? ahahha) just as long i changed for the better...... :)

And people...do me a favor will you? If at any point of time I'm showing some fucked up ego crap....please please alert me. Don't just keep quiet about it.....thats all i ask from all of you....by doing this not only are you helping me...you are helping yourself too...(Why..dont tell me you can stand those extreme egoist treating you like a piece of scumbag? :P)

Ego

2006-04-16T05:37:00.000+08:00

What is ego? Im not really sure what it is ...but i can sure bullshit about it here ahaha...hope it doesn't get too lame......

For me, ego is the self importance in you. Your pride. Some people use it in context of direction, as in you are using ego everyday to direct people closer to who you are. Well Im not really sure about that....i'll just stick with my first definition.

Hmm do you think everyone has ego? Yeah its part of your psychology. Ego is nothing more than some kind of manipulation that might affect how you react to situation. Ego can be classified as positive and negative too. Let me see.....whats the positivity of it? Errr....ok this might go out of context...but when you are under peer pressure....aren't you using your ego to get out of that pressure? Its like "Hey why the fuck would i wanna join them i would better be off on my own..its far mor worth it....i dun wanna end up as losers like them" So in fact thats positive because you are using your self importance to get out of sticky situation. You were thinking for yourself at that time....and you dont give a fuck about what those people think coz you know they are a bad influence....can that be considered as using your ego in a positive way? I dunno what you think....but it seems to fit right in for me :P

But then again....the negavity of it seems to stretch beyond horizon. Ahaha and it happens more frequently that those ego that are used positively. Ok who am i referring to? Hmm well let me see....how about those egoistic BASTARDS?

Hey Men are created as a proud and egoistic creature no doubt about that. They care about nothing else other than their self pride. Sure I gotta admit its in me too..HEY FUCK like i said its in everyone but the amount prevail in Men mostly. But nothing compare to these BASTARDS that im gonna talk about next.

Okay instead...i'll just focus on one here...but remember its a whole family out there. Ok the story goes like this....this guy was supposed to be going on an outing with three of his friends. Well there are suppose to be a whole group going but all backed out (HEY DONT ASK ME I DUNNO WHY). In fact...this guy only knew this girl...and not the other two. So i bet you didn't know that this guy is head over heel for this girl. And now that only the four of them remain...wouldn't it be the best chance to spend time with the girl? BUT NO THIS FUCKER seems to let his ego run wild. He thinks nah why should i be doing that this is stupid....it would seem as though we are a couple....i would love that but no...i don't want that to happen...she is with her friends. But hold on....he goes on...if I'm not going this girl shouldn't be going to...then that would be fair. AHAHAH YOU FREAKING JERK! You were thinking only about yourself eh? Like i said ..you only care for your feelings ...for your opinion..but not others. Well pal I've got four words for you .... FUCK! Hey wait......did i mention that those totally egoistic ppl still wont admit that they are wrong but continues arguing that they are right? Yeah self pride.....IM ALWAYS RIGHT NO ONE SHOULD DENY THAT FACT . BULLSHIT.. YOU PIECE OF DINKO....ahahah and this guy further enhanced his attempt by mentioning abt being the third wheel and stuff....so as to assure this girl not to go .HEY SCREW YOU BASTARD the only way you can prevent this third wheel crap to happen is to clean your freaking ego off and just proceed with the outing! So you really like her but wtf??? You let this ego of you take control and instead.....you prefer it to be the other way round is that right BONZO? Your cute little ego says you are the best..ppl should flock to you.......and no other guys shouldnt be near your possession. Like duh HELLO WAKE UP shes not even yours to start with in the first place.....

That people...is an example of a negative ego. See how stupid a person can be when he's influenced by his own cute ego? All he care for is himself..as long as he's happy thats it end of story...GOSH SPARE A THOUGHT FOR OTHERS WILL YOU...DAMMIT!

Yeah third wheel my ass....why cant you egoistic people just slap yourself and wake up to the fact that nobody's perfect? YES JERK that includes you....there's no way you can always be right.....spare a thought for others....be humble and learn to accept .........

I apologise if i really hurt the pride of those egoistic people... NOT! FUCK YOU PEOPLE GO TO HELL.....you feeling hurt? LIKE DUH YOU ARE TOO PROUD TO EVEN FEEL THAT....

Anyway..ahaha well this time i really apologise if i'm way out of context (NO YOU EGO EXTREMIST PUSSIES NOT REFERRING TO YOU) . I dun intend to make this an accurate article for Ego. As usual...its written for one purpose...to speak my mind out and let all those emotions out. Who cares whether im making sense or not .. (hah now thats where my ego shows huh :P)

To all those who fall victim or rather affected by these people.....my deepest sorry for you. But if you are really keen to rid it off...leave it to the mind. "Think you are not..therefore you are not"...that means...if you think you are unaffected...then you shall be unaffected by these .....ASSES yeah..

Boundaries

2006-04-15T05:40:00.000+08:00

I have no idea why i wanna talk about boundaries. Ahaha well like i said ideas come flowing when you don't have needs for it grrrr....But hey boundaries sounds like a good topic...let me see.....

Boundaries. Also known as limit. Sad to say..there's always a limit to everything....but yeah of course its possible to bypass it . Like what they say impossible is nothing ahaha. Think of it...if man limit his thinking only inside the box....would flying ever occured? I guess not...coz it would sound ridiculous if you say you wanna fly like a bird at that point of time.

Apart from it..what else can limit apply to? Like limit for talents. Too bad for me..i've never crossed the limit for my talents. It can never reach beyond no matter how much i tried. When that happens...you are in a dilemma. Just what are you good at? Just which one should you pursue and push yourself? Seriously speaking i dunno myself..its been bugging me all the while. Yeah so what if i can do many things but only to a certain level? It will never be a complete path. This limit is unbreakable....for now...

Ok actually I wanna talk about boundaries on the net. Ahaha yeah if you followed my previous post..you will most probably get the idea of where im heading for. Have you ever get that feeling that when you type *kiss* and *hugs* on chat...you actually wanna do it? Like you have the urge to really do that......

Ok fine i do so what? ahaha....sometimes i even feel like jumping into the screen if possible so i can reach to the other side. But wake up .... *slaps* theres a limit to everything. Isn't that the main problem?

Even when you want to express your feeling....theres a limit. You express through words....as vague as it could be ...only up to that person to really feel it. You don't have the luxury to voice out your emotion ..or physically express it (WEBCAMS work...but sheesh thats lame ahah). You are limited... LIMITED to your own imagination.

Every night i keep thinking about it . Why the boundaries? JUST WHY? In fact i hate it but hey...this is the reality of chat....making it really happen would kill the fun straight away. Am i right or what? ahaha..

K fine whatever.....every second....i keep thinking too....how you look like..how you sound like...how it would feel like to really hug and kiss you...but like i say theres always a limit to everything...even imagination sometimes ahah.

Alas..its the boundaries that exist on the Internet that keeps away your insecurity. Wouldn't you feel secure sitting or lying down on your bed..facing this screen..and having fun without having to bother much? Even if you pissed a person off...you know they cant do anything about it. You feel safe too ahah coz of the limit. The possibilities is endless....but limit is always there.

When does limit sux? Duh obviously when you are expressing your true feelings. Don't agree with me? HAH WHO CARES ABOUT YOUR OPINION THIS IS MY WORLD I RULE IT. ahah k2 im getting lame now...but seriously im sure you feel that way ..dont you feel frustrated that people dont understand your true feeling no matter how much you attempt at making it clear? Yeah clear with words of course ahah. Sometimes you really get pissed off that you say out loud FUCK OFF YOU FREAKING LIMIT! YOU ARE REALLY GETTING ON MY NERVES!

Jump jump into the screen...kiss and hug...arrggh its really driving me crazy this topic. Ahahaha....till here then...perhaps when i recover back my senses i might continue this Boundaries.....and ended up in an asylum the next day perhaps? :P

A Mystery Indeed

2006-04-14T06:15:00.000+08:00

Another day ends, another round of goodbyes. Sighz why is goodbye something so hard for me to say? See? No answer for that ahaha...well here i am again trying to talk about something so mysterious that its worth mentioning (hmm actually no...this is written for someone :P). K here i go ......hope its not boring :)

On the internet....you can be considered masked. No one knows who you are (Yeah right) ahah k2 YES no one is suppose to know who you are. Otherwise thats invasion of privacy. So how do you express yourself then? Especially on chat? Just be yourself....express with words....duh! AHaha...so yeah isnt it the obvious?Well in fact something even complicated could happen. Have you ever felt that you are hooked with someone on the Net that you just wanna keep chatting and chatting?Let me tell you a story. I started chatting when i had nothing else to do...a way to destress from my daily dosage of .....hmm nvm just say work...its also a form of socialising ya know..to get to know more people? Yes it is..thats the reason online chatting started. Ok when you were first introduced to chatting...what were you thinking? Let me see...its a waste of time? GET A LIFE?

Ahaha yeah thats common alright....i never expected much from online chatting. Its just a way to kill boredom but alas......I met someone interesting. Like I said..i dun expect much alright.....the purpose is simple. CHAT and have fun. But somehow...it gets complicated. I got hooked to that person..i have no explanation for that. Why am i hooked? Has it got to do with eagerness to know more? Has it got to do with that feeling of belonging? Comfortable?At that point of time I dont really care what it is. All i care is chatting with this person.

Things escalate and the next thing you know.....that person is in your head. You cant stop thinking of that person....but why? You just cant get enough.......ahah well you know the next step eh?YEs liking. Isn't it weird to like over the Net? To like...hmm to be very comfortable with that person? Interested? Yeah should be..but remember it is suppose to be a mystery so no answer for it :P

Then the impossible happen. Whenever you chat...you experience tachycardia. You grow weak....and you start smiling and laughing at yourself. Sounds like a mental case? Like no..something even worse than that ahah. Its that unique feeling that has mixed emotion in it...let me see what it is...ahaha well ITS LOVE ALRIGHT. Yeessss falling in love on the Net.....people thought it was impossible..but hey dont forget online dating services ahaha. Well thats my story ...

Whats the moral of the story? Like duh im not intending to ask your opinion haha so let me do the talking...that my friend is a living example of this mystery. How do people fall in love on the Net? Like i said previously.....you are masked....unless your words are magically transformed into a real emotion to that person.. (which happens to me ahaha.. i have vivid imagination you know :P) theres no way a person can fall in love. But how do you explain this?

Ahaha....Mystery..mystery...Who are you really falling in love with? The words? Ahh yess the personality. Im sure personality is one of the key that unlock that big mystery door. And why the does the feeling grew? Coz of curiosity....you are still wondering...wondering....how that person looks like...if possible you wanna find out everything EVERYTHING about that person. Its this piece of anonymity that keeps people coming back for more....they cant get enough coz every single day brings another effort of unfolding the mystery behind that person :)

Ahah hey i dunno whether im making sense in this post...but hope it does...coz thats what i really think....wait... was that me as in my mind or my heart doing the thinking? Errr....let it be a mystery...

Social Engineering

2006-04-14T04:48:00.000+08:00

Social Engineering...does the word sound complicated? Ahah nah not at all. What is it aniway? Well here's my attempt at trying to explain it in my own words......

It happens around us all the time. You might not notice it but yeah its happening alright. Even you ...yes you might be practising it for your own good too. Let me start with a few examples. Bargaining. You attempt to get that piece of furniture at a lower price. You receive resistance from the shop owner but somehow you keep on trying and trying..till finally...you succeed in the bargaining. Now friend thats social engineering. Its a term whereby a person try to manipulate another person to follow his or her wishes. In a computer term..its where a person can get crucial information by practising deceit and impersonation. Well im not gonna spend my time talking about the computer term...so ill go on with the daily life ones.

I just gave you an example of bargaining. What else can you think of? Ah hah! How about social engineering with your parents? Im sure you do it all the while without noticing it. Now you get the idea? Yes yes persuasion is another word for it ...but persuasion is just a group in this complex hierarchy.

Hah! Bet you dunno that trying to get a girl's contact number is a form of SE too. What? You dunno abt it? Oh wait...you fool claim its your charm and sweet talks right? AHah...then what is sweet talk? Sweet talk is a part of SE dummies! Oh well apology accepted if you didn't know that...

There is soo much to talk about SE ya know.....i just dunno where to start. Hmm how about starting at the part where it can be abused? YEah right on..i love getting straight to the point...ahah...

How can SE be abused? K ppl look at the news....some form of abuse is...you got it....you heard the news about people getting conned and stuff? Yeah thats an example of the abuse. Put it to great use and you're happy for the rest of your life...abuse it and the devastation comes trailing behind you. Face it ...SE is soo powerful that abusing it is nothing much than greed for more. GREEDY PIGS EH?

Well this is written mainly for Ewan and of course not forgetting Iqa, Lita and the rest of the "clan" :P First of all Ewan the social engineering that i was talking to you about is mainly referring to disclosing information. Think of it as scamming too..coz scamming is a form of SE. But like i said Ewan...no matter how wary you are....humans are always the weakest link in computer security. In SE...theres no limit how its applied...it all depend on how creative the person is to pull of such a devastating idea.

As for Iqa and Lita....I shall jump straight into a relationship SE issues. Ever get those pickup lines from guys? Thats SE. Yep it is .....And SE has many levels in it. If the pickup line works....and you somehow wanna continue it to the next level...then the guy succeeded. Coz he managed to somehow make things go the way he wants it to be. And it goes on and on...

Strange as it seems, trust and SE is related. AHah YEAH GOSH trust is something gained through SE. Like i said if the person somehow captivated your heart....hes succeeding in SE by gaining your trust further. And from there he can abuse it ...in fact hes not only abusing trust but abusing his SE skills. Yeah2 you heard of those innocent girls that fall prey to BASTARDS who they thought are sweet and charming BUT THEY TURN OUT TO BE BASTARDS BASTARDS BASTARDS!!! Wolf in sheep's clothing...more like pig's clothing...

Now that you know what SE is .....how do you tell apart someone who is practising SE the right way or likewise? JUDGEMENT. It's all up to your judgement. More like common sense too. If you have a weak sense of judgement...im sorry i cant help you much. People who are skilled in SE makes preparation earlier on. They know plenty to keep it rolling. So to beat them...you got to know more than them. Thats the only solution that i can offer. HOW? Think for yourself.....

Ok....now you ppl might be wondering....am i practising SE? Especially Ewan and Iqa....heres my answer for you. An absolute no..that is if you even believe me. Like i say SE is something powerful that shouldn't be abused. I dun and will never intend to abuse it on you people...i make that firm stand for myself. All the while....my emotions, feelings are real....i've never pretend to be someone who im not even on the Internet.....thats my weakness. Sure I have the power to hide myself..make myself totally anonymous....but that can never hide my personality. Its something that will never change......

Goodnight & Goodbye

2006-04-13T14:45:00.000+08:00

Here is an "out of the blue" writing. "Out of the blue" writing comes in an instant without you noticing it. And it usually doesn't turn out that good. So here it is...

Goodnight & Goodbye

In vain I cried out
For you not to go
How heavy this heart felt
When then hour arrived

Dreams comes crashing
Down to my solitary world
Leave me not, leave me not

But when time is up
There's no choice but to go
No matter how we felt
No reason to argue that
We had fun
Lets just call it a day

Have you ever noticed
The shadowy emotions
That lurks all around
To consume us when the time
Is right

So what if it consume me
Do what you want
Only after my goodnight and goodbye

Void Of Emotion

2006-04-12T00:55:00.000+08:00

Let me start with a brief introduction of what Im gonna write. Void of emotion...what were you thinking when you see the title? Is it even achievable? Whats the point of it? From here on i will write whatever that is relevant....

Void of emotion. To me..its the erasure of every single emotions that is running leaving you with nothing but blankness....hey wouldnt that make you a vegetable? NO...a vegetable is one who is brain dead...meaning it cant function anymore. But the void of emotion is wayy different mind ya...Think of it this way. You don't feel pain...sadness...anger...whatever it is you wont feel it..isnt that awesome? I think so too......But somehow...

I've achieved it in one particular day. Meaning? I was totally emotionless while leading my usual life. Potrayed on my face is pure blankness...just like a robot. Yes a robot you hear me? Yeah hope you do. Hmm i bet you are asking me now..what do you mean by that? NO emotion? YES you heard me right no emotion. No anger..no sadness no happiness...just pure blankness. Its like all the emotion is drained out from you. People joke....you cant laugh. You just dont feel it.....People bitch about you...you dont feel the anger. In a computer term...you are just /dev/null....meaning you discard every single emotions thrown at you. To you every emotion thrown at you by people is just a line of words...instruction. Nothing more than that.

Ahaha wait ..let me try to explain in depth how emotion works. Have you ever wonder how your emotion works? Let me tell you from my point of view. Emotion is shown or triggered only when something or someone is triggering that emotion for you. Meaning? You wont get angry out of the blue if someone is not making you angry in the first place right??? AHAHA if thats the case you are a nutcase! Seriously....k2 just joking. People do have mood swings ya know..they dont need people to trigger it for them...their mind do all of that by processing images that makes them potray that emotion.

So you get the idea now. In a computer term...you received packets aka emotion from someone...you process it...and you resend it back to the person to acknowledge. Right..if you still don't understand what im talking about....good coz im sending packets of confusion to you ahaha...

Is it achievable? Duh yeah it is..didnt you pay attention to me just now? Ahah but seriously its not as easy as it seems. You really need to focus on killing all emotion...and not letting others affect you. Its like putting a firewall to block any incoming packets aka emotion from others. Even if some packets somehow slip through..you've got /dev/null remember? You discard them. ITS LIKE DONT GIVE A FUCK ABOUT ALL OF THIS!! So yeah. Whats the backbone for achieving this? FOCUS!! Clear your mind...seriously clear your mind of any thoughts that can trigger emotion..flush it out .....think of nothing but darkness and vacuum. You are in a solitary room right now.....you are alone.....

Whats the point of it? Hah....you thought it was pointless...but its not. Here...i'll give you one minute to think. What is the emotion that you really dun wanna exist in you? Fear perhaps? Pain? Hah i can see that you are thinking hard right now..good for you....nope? Too bad you're missing a lot my friend. Now imagine going around without fear.....imagine breaking up without having to feel the pain....THINK BEYOND THE HORIZON....

Okay so now you think that is cool. AHah isn't it? But in my case....i did a full void..meaning? No happiness no whatsoever. In your case you might just wanna get rid of those few..but i manage to rid of all....i dun like it in fact. You became a weirdo...an annoying piece of shit to others ahaha...you're no longer alive...you are dead. DEAD R.I.P blah2 yes....now you know why the dead doesnt have emotions? DUH COZ THEY ARE DEAD.....and the emotions disappear with that final heartbeat where the soul drift away never to return back to the body.

Stop wondering already. Given a choice of being void of emotion.....i will not choose it. Why? Hey isnt that the purpose? Emotion makes a human being...now you know why some people are called beast because of their cruelty....ahaha lame even a beast has emotion.....so what are they? THE DEAD? hahaha.....

Hey wait . I still havent tell you the reason for choosing that. Why would I rather have emotions? Sure I will be able to feel pain..to feel fear....to feel anger....BUT theres always an alternative. Yes you can always drown these emotions..if you know how to. Conversion my friend...conversion....and to live without emotion? NOoOoOo......I wanna feel the love...the love around me.....that brighten my day and the key to my absolute happiness...how can i ever feel that unique out of the world feeling if i void that emotion? They say love hurts...love is evil. HAHA FUCK YOU AGAIN! Every emotion hurts .....every emotion is evil. Think about it.....accepting the facts make you willing to go through it...oh so you think likewise? Void it then as simple as that...

It Goes On..

2006-04-11T16:07:00.000+08:00

I fell asleep while playing the guitar at around 7+ am. Can you imagine strumming halfway and suddenly everything around you goes dark? Your mind stray..and stray...in the end you woke up abruptly by the thud of the guitar falling by the side...but what else can you do other than putting it away and continue your sleep? So once again that trust topic really got me.....I read on about another story...this time it really put me in an aware state....

Your best friend. Why is he your best friend? Coz you are really comfortable with him...and you really trust him. You've made up your mind that he is someone out of the risky zone and therefore you lower down your guard against him. And seeing your weakness he strikes. WHAM! Your beautiful wife became his target. GOSH WHAT IS WRONG WITH THESE PEOPLE??? YOUR BEST FRIEND'S WIFE???? Yeah i know she's hot...and you are consumed by lust that the devil keep whispering to you to take action.......and that makes you a weakling.
Emotions shouldn't be controlling you my friend.....you control them. YOU are in charge......you always were. In other words ...having a strong faith. But you helplessly let yourself get consumed by your emotion....AND YOU ARE A FUCKING IDIOT!! Haha sorry sorry I'm pissed off by these kind of people......

Which instantly reminded me of something disturbing. Yesterday while I was out with this acquaintance...Lets call them A and B. A asked B abt his status with the girl that A recommend...err more like trade....CAN YOU IMAGINE THAT ? A girl...their number being traded and passed around.....a disturbing trend indeed. A fucked this girl but he doesn't really like her......so to share the joy around...he wanted B to give it a go.... FUCK YOU PEOPLE!!!! Why are you treating girls like that? Like they are some toy or something...use them ..play with them and give them away? Heartless BASTARDS!

What is the world turning into? I feel helpless listening to these people......and perhaps the myth is indeed true. A man will do anything he can to get a girl.....But if rejected...HE SHOWS HIS TRUE COLOR BY BEING MEAN AND BITCHING ABOUT THE GIRL. The same goes if he gets the girl. He use the girl to please himself..get sick of it AND DECIDED TO TRADE her to someone else in hopes of finding a better one.......

Are men really that heartless? Selfish self centered creatures that think of nothing but pleasure? It irks me indeed....and its sad that people that has zero intention to do that gets affected. And guess what? Like what all the girls said....the population of these kind is indeed multiplying! I am flabbergasted to hear that...i'm a man too but do i really conduct those DEVIL stuff? NO!! See...why are they doing it in the first place? Coz they let their emotion take control....unlike me i've learn to control them instead. Even temptations....i can somehow control them coz i've learn to use my mind to manipulate all of these. ITS ALL IN THE MIND PEOPLE!!!! USE YOUR MIND PROPERLY!!!!!! ASSHOLES BASTARDS HEARTLESS PIGS!!!! Even pigs have hearts.....

Why cant you people think straight? Women....they are human beings too just like us.....NOT TOYS!! They have emotions too.....you just dont go around toying with their emotion..like you wouldnt for yourself. HAH! I bet your ego is churning saying let it happen to them....it wont happen to me aniwae.....FUCK YOU! Wait till that happened.......and you might just end up in a corner reflecting all the evils you have done in your life......

Women are the wisest creature around....they are sensitive. If we get hurt by them..we feel the pain...but if we hurt them..they feel the pain worser multiply by 3. SO CANT YOU THINK A SECOND ABT THAT LOGIC? What have they done to deserve that kind of treatment? You think its fun..you tink they are weak? HAH FUCK YOU AGAIN! In my point of view...women are the strongest being around. WHY? Coz its hard being a girl......I BET YOU WILL CRY AND KILL YOURSELF IF YOU MAGICALLY TURN INTO A GIRL FOR ONE DAY.

Isn't that true? Its a fact..its nothing but the truth. And learn to respect them....they have their own dignity too. DONT BE ANIMALS THAT GATHER IN A GROUP AND START WOLF CALLING when a girl is walking.....wtf are you people? Really animals??? You prey on a single woman.....YEs you feel courageous coz you are in a group.....but what if it was the other way round? Don't you feel the uneasiness?

You know what....i can go on and on abt this topic.....its not as though im bias or anything...but its the fucking truth that need to be told abt my kind. Im sure you girls agree with all of these facts....and I apologise on behalf of these BASTARDS....they don't deserve it aniwae...

Trust

2006-04-11T05:13:00.000+08:00

So here i am again back at my blog...obviously im really bored right now...its 4+ am and i have no idea what to do...i cant sleep and arrgghh....but then i checked out a book..and instantly i got this idea to write about trust.What is trust to you? Haha i dunno how you would define trust..but it exist everywhere......on the road for example. You trust the driver to stop at the red light when you are crossing...you trust the bank to safeguard your money.....yeah like i say trust exist everywhere without even you knowing it.After reading that book..i started wondering...would trusting someone too much lead to a devastating effect? Aniway the book is about mishaps that happens to girls who fell into traps of people whom they thought they could trust, and it also focused on trust build on marriage. Basically what is the building block of a relationship? Trust...yeah coz im gonna talk about them here. You need to learn to trust each other to keep it going. Well let me tell you the story of this person's marriage which i read just now...They were the perfect couple. Married at such a young age...their relationship is based on perhaps true love that transcends understanding. The objection is clearly conspicuous by parents of both sides but seeing them sooo in love...it break their heart to reject this couple's desires to be together. So the story goes on...with love at such young age...complication is inevitable. Face it..without a complete education,how are you suppose to find a good job to support your family? People think first.....yes i can see you guys are really in love...but can you just for second think...instead of being blinded....if you really love her...think of your future with her first....How the heck are you gonna support her? Your child? Its because you love that you think clearly...not just blinded by lust or whatsoever....dammit...ahaha k2 no point getting worked up at these people......soo yeah lets continue the story...this guy got a job as an assistant at a provision job...earning $400...like wtf? $400??? What can you feed your family with $400?? THINK YOU ASSHOLE....ahaha k2 ...there i go again....so yeah basically when you love her soo much you put your trust on her......so off ya go to work trusting your wife to take care of your son....in a rented house that is shared with young bachelors......haha thats when your instinct get into action..no matter how much you trust her...can she really be trusted? Trust is nothing but a word...and trust fall apart even at the slightest trigger...in this scenario....desires....temptations. So yeah he heard rumours about his wife having an affair with one of the guy....but he reminded himself...TRUST..i trust her too much....i dun wanna listen to these people who is badmouthing my wife....i dun wanna hurt her by asking her...she would blabber abt "WHY ARE YOU SAYING THAT? ITS OBVIOUS YOU DONT TRUST ME AT ALL!" But no matter how much he trust her...soon doubts began filling in....I really gotta check out on my wife.....and thats when the heartbreaking part fall in.......He caught his wife having sex with that guy... GOSH was he furious!!! But like any other good hearted person he learn to forgive and forget....he really love her and wanted her back...(OOPS did i tell you abt his wife going missing after that "Caught you red handed" incident? Looks like it...yeah she left him) Sad huh? He really is a good guy....he didnt expected things to end up this way......Which leaves me wondering....trust....if that guy continue with his trust and ignore his doubts by checking out his wife at home...could all of these be avoided? So complicated....the abuse of trust....So being ignorant with trust could lead you out of complications? Its like heck...if i continue trusting....i would be blinded from the truth? So how do you really trust someone??? I dont have the obvious answer right now.....or do i? Am i trusting with obvious ignorance by my side? Or am i the kind who trust someone but with doubts?See how mind boggling that question could be? From my experience in this line of work....I learn not to trust anyone..including myself.....But somehow i've learn to trust someone soo much.....maybe due to my feelings? Emotion change your perception of trust?Heres what I think.....Love leads to TrustBut when Trust exist....you are given two choices..Option 1You learn to trust....but you trust with doubt..coz you know no one is perfect...you cant really trust that person even if you know they are unlikely to abuse it....And to choose this beats the purpose of trust doesnt it? And UNLIKELY is a dangerous word you see....you dont expect a person to abuse it but in the end they did it..coz the word UNLIKELY means you are not too sure......Option 2You learn to trust....fully. You know that person is really someone who wouldnt abuse your trust...and you feel secure..You trust them soo much that even at the point you get the news they are abusing it....you keep on with your trust....Ignorance is bliss.......NO matter what you will always be blinded from the truth.....and that trust leads to no complications...live happily ever after in false hopes... (THIS only apply in relationship....if you trust someone on your bank account BYE2....theres no more happily ever after >.<)So which one would you choose? Option 1? I think so too.......Being doubtful is just being sensible...being aware...being sure that you dont get hurt....but the disadvantage is....you hurt someone else...Option 2 haha.....its the opposite...you dont hurt the other party..but you will end up hurting yourself real bad....So seriously which one will you choose?Conclusion: Trust exist with doubts. No matter what they say about how they fully trust you.. THEY ARE LYING!!!!!! Hahaha...aint my theory sooo logical? :P

Excited...But To A Certain Limit....

2006-04-11T02:04:00.000+08:00

Hey there! Yeah so nothing much happen today...nothing exciting except for something.....ive got this great idea to showcase my Untitled song for the gig on the 22th....it would be really awesome if the band could play it! Yeah i mean we have to perform for like 1/2 hour...and we are doing a few cover songs + 1 original....and if added with this that would mean 2 originals and for sure we can cover that 1/2 hour without knowing it.....Yeah i know that we only have 2 weeks to prepare...including learning Smile In Your Sleep but this is a good idea ya know.....im sure you people would love to play more originals than covers...uh huh...so this idea shall remain till i meet the band on Wednesday if im not wrong....if thing goes well perhaps it would be given a chance....

But wait.....if it gets accepted....would i have to be singing that song??? In front of the crowd??? NO!!!!!!!!!!! I cant do that....It feels awkward singing in front of a large crowd......i dun wanna receive booing ya know....but i can always work out on the drum beats ..or let the drummer do the work instead..coz writing a song is already one tough job. And for the singing...haha im sure the vocalist can handle it with no problem..So okay then its settled...as much as i want to perform....no way am i gonna do it this way!!!

And Its Beginning To Shine...Again

2006-04-10T00:21:00.000+08:00

Today I went for a so called demo of our band.....location is Peninsula Plaza. I woke up late again...as usual ahaha but ended up being the earliest there at City Hall. There i was waiting like an ass....gosh thats why being late isnt that bad after all...get to skip all those miserable waiting...haha...So finally they arrived ....and we sit down by the gate towards Citylink Mall ...on the floor obviously ahah...thats us alright..we are like the so called punk that can survive anywhere....ahh wateva...so we meet up with the other band and we walked towards this studio.....and there the performance was conducted..not bad at all....since its all about getting pumped up for the gig later on the 22th......after that we went to Burger King and off to Esplanade to chill for a while ....arrggh boring..ahaha but thats also the part where we talk about commitments to the band....all fired up and feeling really enthusiastic with the fact that they finally make it to the gig level...wow congratulations again!!! Ahaha yeah I'm still part of them....but only limited to the songs and the drum ideas...so no performance for me ahahah...

Apart from that I would love to display this piece of work done by someone...wow i really like it so much that i set it as my desktop wallpaper hahaha...and here it is....

Getting Messier... But Slowly Dissipating

2006-04-09T04:50:00.000+08:00

Hahaha ...yeah in the end....oops ok if you didnt follow the post previously..this is the addition to it...ok.....well just i said im gonna be late. I was wrong....i was not only late..i was WAY late....reach the place and they finished jamming....ahahaha how cool can that be? Phew luckily im no longer part of it...and we have a drummer to settle that..or i would be so fucked up.....when i reached the place...they were putting in the drums for the song....and i regretted coming late coz then i would be able to assist with the work....gosh ....felt really miserable...lost my mood for a while back then.... We went to esplanade next...chilled at the rooftop and thats when all the lame stuff comes out....once lame always lame...ahah....we didnt stay for long though....and we proceeded to the hospital coz a friend wanna visit her relative or something i dunno..but we went ahead to GH and wow....so many of her family members and cousins and whatever you call it..the family tree? is there....hmm but aniwae we just follow her to see the patient and there i stood stunned....watching helpless at the sad condition the patient is in....was told that she suffered from cancer...and some sort of infection that spreads all over.......and its conspicous that she couldnt last long...her time might be up soon...I was like ....my mind was in a blank again watching that patient moaning in pain...what if i ended up like that one day? would there be any people by my side to support me? Visiting a hospital can sure change a person...... Well the rest of the night was spend at the hospital...yeah after that stunned incident...i went back to my normal state...and haha one of my friend cracked a lame ass joke/story/waaayyy rubbish to prevent himself from falling asleep...and there we were laughing and laughing.....especially me hahahahaha i was like laughing so hard...till the point of tears and cramps hahahah..and mind you i would have rolled on the floor laughing but i didnt...i just squat there and laugh like theres no end to the world....that was like soooooo me....ahahahah.....and did i say we were in a hospital? Yeah of course...so not typical of a hospital scene with us around eh? hahaha....i could go on and on about it but arrrgghh...i wanna move on... So tomorrow my band....hmm wait no longer my band..lets call it my friends' band.....is gonna do some "performance" hmm more like a demo...and they begged me to be there....at first i was like why the fuck would you need me for??? Its not as though im playing the drums or anything..but they keep insisting..so right now im still thinking..to go or not to go.....ahahaha whatever it is ....im sure ill stick with that choice....but hey things are going so well..after this demo they are gonna perform at a gig on the 22th i think..yeah wow good luck people ......im glad to see all of you finally reach that stage...oh well guess i have no choice but to support them....with songs and ideas....

Minds entangling...

2006-04-08T12:53:00.000+08:00

Here i am at my blog .....updating before i get ready for jamming session. I woke up late...was supposed to meet my friend at 1pm...now im never gonna make it in time ahaha...well ill just meet them at the jamming place..phew luckily its quite near to my house...so yeah I really wanted to attend to this first. I dunno what keeps bothering me....its like my whole mind is in a blank too....even in my dream....it was total blankness..and the next thing i know....i was sending away someone at the airport......yes it was a girl...in fact it must have been someone ive been really thinking of everyday.....im really worried why im starting to get weird dreams like that.....and guess what? the next thing i knew....police were surrounding me....and there i was helpless and getting handcuffed....whyy??? But the good news is....somehow....something...help me escape from the handcuffs.....and there i was free....running away.......running and running...

Yes my mind is in a messy state right now.....I cant compose myself just yet....but like always...theres always a faint voice at the back of my voice telling me to be strong...to be happy......to get rid of all this negativity....thats what keeps me going on..thats the reason i've been smiling....it keeps echoing.......your name.... :)

Leave It As It Is...

2006-04-08T04:47:00.000+08:00

Yeah..obviously im still in a state of confusion right now....seriously i just dunno why....k my day was normal....intended to work on the tune for Dream Girl but in the end got sidetracked...thanks to all my friends ahaha....so i just worked out the chorus part for it....i feel bad...feel bad for not being able to complete such a simple chore .....and was planning to record it fast but look what happened.....so hope that explains my mood just now Iqa...im sorry for that....there is absolutely no attempt of affecting your happy experience...but if somewhow im the cause of it....i apologise profusely......and there you go falling sick....im soo worried for your health...i pray for your recovery....just get well soon :)

As for me....ill just need time to reflect on myself....

Please Give Me The Answer...

2006-04-07T02:29:00.000+08:00

I just cant take it anymore...this mixed emotion..is really putting me into a state of confusion....every night i feel this way....a feeling that transcends even the deepest of understanding.....always in a state of tachycardia....always growing weak all over....always in a state of daze...every second my mind wanders.......its raging....just trying to burst....i cant hold on anymore..its beyond control...i just wanna let it all out..scream out loud ..cry my heart out.......

What is going on with me? Why am i experiencing it? Why? Someone please please please give me an answer for all of these!!

Im feeling dizzy...im dizzy...could it be something i fear would happen? Could it be? Is it even possible? From what it looks like im afraid the impossible just happened......an image......im really falling for it.....I speak nothing but the truth....It is a REAL feeling...not just some plain old imagination........

Finally...

2006-04-06T17:22:00.000+08:00

Huh? Oh yeah...my attempt at recording the Untitled song was a success.....I've uploaded the file and you can download the file from the link given....BUT please please don't laugh at my voice ahaha..yeah I know I sounded like a frog and i admit it... :P

http://www.savefile.com/files/6137997

Challenge Accepted!

2006-04-05T22:32:00.000+08:00

Ahahax hey there......I received a challenge just now to write a song that must include these 5 words : velvet,smile,drill,incubator and therapy. And here's my song..........

Untitled

As my figure gets silhouetted
And the light fades away
With hope instilled into my mind
The star is whispering
And mind goes wondering
The surrounding gets lit by your smile

Here I go
Call out loud
For your name
Please come out
To meet me
Without you ive lost
My sense of direction
O velvet sky please assist me
A routine drill of questioning
For an answer to this adverse mystery

Residing in a corner
A rolled up piece of paper
With negativity oh please get it away from me
An incubator to my song
Im thankful for everything
Including your love therapy

Friend

2006-04-05T04:43:00.000+08:00

This I believe is a poem..yeah it sounded like it...written by me of course :)

Friend

Its pretty funny when life just get back at you
Its pretty lonely not having someone share it with you
Its pretty pathetic if you think thats true
Coz thats when friends come in ...
When you are in the blue

Thank you for showing the path that is hidden
I knew now that everyday is not so forbidden
I've woken up now ...everything is so clear
Thank you again ...
For being such a dear!

Err actually theres more to this..but I cut it short....

Journey Home

2006-04-05T04:36:00.000+08:00

Yeah i still remembered writing this while i was sitting down in the train back home...its been a while...

Journey to my home
Long and weary
To the time when the sun sets gloomy light
Always been so clear
I'm getting near
To a point where everything collide

Just give up
My life's falling apart
Keeping up
Proceeding with my part
To change the truth
The fact that I like you
It's all no use

Memories of those days
Seeps away
Forced myself to steer that way
My shattered heart is closed
No invitations
Reserved not for the likes of you

Just spare me
I think I had enough
Just leave me
After you made up your damn mind
It's no use
The fact that I still like you
But it's over.......

So thank you
For all the things
That you show me
It's just crazy
And you know me

I won't forget..............
HOW YOU SCREWED ALL OF THIS UP!!!

Back to the beginning
Right to the ending
I bid my farewell..........
To you............

Recalling...

2006-04-05T04:31:00.000+08:00

I've found some of my old songs...yeah my first attempt....hey wait..they're not songs! Perhaps a poem ..or whatever you wanna define it....

Untitled

While waiting for you at your gate
Just making sure that I wasn't late
Kept thinking about our date
Perhaps this is my fate
To get to know you.....

Things were going just fine
With no thoughts of crossing the line
Still remember the time we dine
You set this little heart of mine
For you.......

But it's over now I take my bow
Never I knew that things would fucking change
To you it's just another game
Sudden ending what a shame

But blame you will I not
Eventhough my life is left to rot
When you dumped me at the parking lot
For another guy you consider hot
It's not worth it.............

Now deep inside it's screaming
Tempted to kill all my feelings
Just sitting down and waiting
Going through the instant changing

Bad Dream

2006-04-05T04:25:00.000+08:00

What can i say about this song? I wrote it quite a while ago....and as usual its half complete :P
Hey wait a sec....it is complete! Ahaha i didnt notice that...oops my bad :D

Bad Dream

Tonight
My life is falling apart from all the lies that you throw at me
Never knew this could have happened but it did
And i felt sorry for myself i never should have trusted you
Never should have sacrificed my love and you know

This wound would never heal and all this miseries
That you caused me can never be redeemed
Please wake me up from this bad dream

I guess
All good things come to an end i never knew you were good at this
Disguise at its perfection so be it
Why was i blinded by the darkness that you set up all around me
Boy i felt so dumb for falling into your trap

This wound would never heal and all this miseries
That you caused me can never be redeemed
Please wake me up from this bad dream

My BabyGaL

2006-04-05T04:19:00.000+08:00

Hmm heres the part where I'll start posting my song....seriously its always half complete...For some reason I know it has got something to do with the changes I went through....But hey at least one song is complete :D

My BaByGaL

Hours of fun in another world
Never expected it'd be different
Today
As hours past I've lost track of times
The people the places
They're all the same
To me

But that change
When I met you
And I know You are special
Deep in my heart
I long for you
Oh please don't leave me
My babygal

Another day, Another memory

2006-04-05T04:07:00.000+08:00

Why can't i get rid of that smile off my face? Why can't i sleep without dreaming of you?

Well here i go..started my day with a trip to the nearby shopping centre and bought microphone for my computer....well i was sort of like planning to record stuff so i bought it without hesitation. And eek...getting wolf calls from a bunch of girls sure is creepy...as i increase my pace to exit. Can't get it out of my head...the pestering...gosh i gotta do it ....seriously. And look whos online? Awww....at that moment i swear i could just forget everything around me. Started off doing some rough experimentation with the movie editor and then it strike me...ideas! So there i was focusing to make it happen....and guess what? I was finishing up when my itchy finger suddenly hit that X button. OMG! That was like ...arrrggghhh. But with words of encouragement from that special one I give it another shot and voila! My own masterpiece! Yay!!

Err okay...theres nothing much I can express with words here...coz the rest of the time i spend....goes straight to my heart......

One shot..at stardom

2006-04-03T15:44:00.000+08:00

In habbo that is. Yep....I've noticed something that caught my attention...habbowood. A chance of being a director and gain stardom there. Ahaha yeah I know it sounds lame but its the only way you can potray your talent as a director. I was tempted to try..but hey I just lack the ideas to make a perfect movie. Maybe some people out there can assist me yeah?

A Beginning Without An Ending

2006-03-24T16:00:00.000+08:00

Truthfully, doing this contradict my believe of perfect privacy, long lost anonymity. Without a doubt my life is just an entangled mass of webs with no absolute path nor a light of direction. Day by day I'm sinking, unaware of who I am deep inside. Let this be a thread that trails behind my staggering move to remind me of how short life is to even be clamped by this complex situation.